Why him? || Draco x reader

Thirteen

I see the way you look at him.

***

Five days. Five days since I've last seen him.
I've spent those five days mainly in my room or the library, avoiding anyone. I only went outside to eat in the great hall when I really had to, but I haven't seen him there - luckily. I skipped all classes we had together and talked to barely anyone. My friends gave up on talking to me after three days of trying. Except of Pansy they probably knew what it was about.

I was on my way from the library to our common room, knowing that everyone should be at dinner right now so it would be save to go into the dorm through the common room without being seen by someone. I decided not to eat dinner today, I was already lucky to get lunch before the most people stormed in.
Suddenly a hand gently touched my shoulder. I let out a little scream and nearly jumped.

"I didn't mean to scare you I'm sorry." He softly smiled.

"It's okay Seamus." I said way calmer than seconds before.

"So what I wanted to know, is everything okay? You didn't come back after what happened on the Yule ball. Also you were in barely any class we had together this week and if you were, you were always the first who was gone so I had no chance talking to you. I also haven't seen you at any meal this week so I'm actually lucky that I've found you." He looked worried, pulled up his eyebrows and stroke my shoulder gently.

"Yeah I- I didn't feel well since then and was sick the whole week, it's nothing." I smiled, hardly trying to hide my feelings somehow. I wasn't sure if he believed me but he just acted with it.
"Okay then, I hope you feel better now! I'm going to Dinner now, wanna join me?"

"Oh no, I still have an essay to write and I'm not very hungry, thanks." I smiled and so we both left awkwardly in different directions.

In the common room were only a few sixth years that I didn't care about. I made my way up to the Dorm and laid down in my bed.
Was this really how I wanted to continue here? Not talking to anyone, hiding and ignoring my friends?

The door opened and Maya came in, alone.
"Hey." She smiled insecure. "I'm alone, wanna talk now?"

I took a minute, I needed to talk to someone. I couldn't eat it all up in me until I'm breaking down completely again. "Actually... yes."

"Tell me then." She started and sat down on my mattress. "I know it's about Malfoy, but what happened?"

"The Yule ball. Seamus wanted to kiss me but I just couldn't so I left to be alone for a few minutes but on the corridor was  Malfoy with that girl - I don't even know her name. Well you know I separated them with a spell and ran away but he ran behind me and asked what that was. So I broke down on the floor, in tears. Everything was blurry and then I just talked. I told him how I feel 'of course you know that feeling do you? She makes you feel the way.'" I repeated. "That's what I asked him after I told him how I felt whenever I think of him. It was silence after but then he said she doesn't and disappeared.
I can't look at him ever again after that Maya. He probably laughs about it the whole time and just waits until I'm back to be even worse to me than before."

It was silent for a moment that felt like years until Maya started to talk. I wasn't sure wether it was good or bad what she was about to say and she probably wasn't either. "Y/n." She paused "Blaise said they broke up. Besides that I haven't seen him anywhere except of the meals and I'm not sure if he even talked to anyone there. He's also skipping all the classes you're in."

I caught her gaze confused. "Why would he? I rather thought he told the whole school about it."

"He told no one as far as I know." She paused again "now that you know that at least nobody knows about it, would you come to dinner with me? One meal the day isn't enough and he won't be there anyway, probably."

"Okay then." I sighed still scared that I had to see him.

We chatted about Fred and Maya the whole dinner. The others were confused but didn't ask about it since they saw my how pale my face looked. Besides that I looked like I haven't slept in weeks.
Luckily he wasn't there, just like Maya said but I still felt watched from everyone especially his now ex girlfriend and her friends so I decided to go into our dorm earlier.
The corridor was empty and quiet. I strolled  down it while I kept my gaze fixed at the ground but then suddenly walked into someone that seemed to appear like a ghost.
"I'm so sorry I didn't wat..." I looked up. Of course it had to be him. Of course I had to see him again one day but that wasn't how I thought it would be.

"N- no it's okay." We avoided each other's gaze and kept walking. I already wanted to cry again by replaying that night.
"y/n?"

Did he just call me by my first name?
"Yeah?" I turned around now catching his eyes.

"Did you mean what you said that night?"

"We can just forget about it okay? I've had too much sips of Pansy's rum so I didn't know what I was saying, you know, I get in my feelings when I drink too much."

He nodded and turned around to walk away but I just couldn't forget his sentence 'no she doesn't' what did that mean? "Malfoy?"

"Yeah?" He responded without turning around.

"What did you mean when you said what you said?"

He knew what I was talking about "she doesn't give me this feeling. The feeling of too little air or this weird feeling in your stomach when I see her." And with that he was gone.
I was completely confused and in front of the common room I decided to go out instead of hiding to catch some fresh air. I sat down above the lake. The sun was setting and it looked amazing. Sadly the view didn't cover up my feelings. Why does this have to be so complicated? Why can't he just like me back? Am I too ugly for him or just not like he wants me to be?
Tears started to flush down my cheeks and the beautiful view was blurred now.
Suddenly a hand gently grabbed my shoulder.
"Why does everyone think that it's a good idea scaring me today?" I screamed annoyed without turning around.

"I'm sorry, I just saw you going outside and we haven't talked in days so I thought I'd follow you."

"It's okay, I'm sorry Blaise."

He sat down next to me and hugged me tightly. "Wanna tell me now why you disappeared for a week and then I find you alone out here crying?" I didn't respond. "It's Draco isn't it?"

"How do you know?"

"I see the way you look at him and how your smile faded whenever he was with her. I've seen you cry a few times and how your heart breaks with every insult he's calling you. Every idiot would see it."

New tears rolled down now. "It's doesn't matter okay. I'm probably not enough for him anyway."

"Hey, stop saying that, you know it's not true."He looked down and wrapped his arm around my shoulders to comfort me. "I also don't know what happened on the Yule ball but what I know is that he isn't any better than you now. I think you should talk to him, not only in the corridor when you accidentally run into each other. How about a real talk?"

"Why are you helping me with that Blaise?"

He wiped my tears away "because I care for you and I want you to be happy."

A light smile came across my face as I leaned against his shoulders now looking back at the beautiful view which wasn't as blurred as before anymore.

"What do you see in him?"

"I don't know, I think there is just more behind his mean facade. There is something that he won't show anyone." I played gently with my necklace "he gifted it me. It's pretty isn't it?"

"At least he has taste in things like that." Blaise smirked.

We sat there for another hour. I missed talking to him and would consider him more as a best friend now that he knows what's up.
We talked about the Yule ball - well the good part of it and just random things. He made me forget all the bad stuff for once.