i wish i were heather || kagehina

Chapter 7

The soft chirp of crickets in the grass outside Hinata's house were usually enough to lull him to sleep. But they didn't seem to be working this time around. Hinata tossed and turned in his bed, trying to figure out what was going on in his life at the moment. It had been a day since his strange date with Hoshi, and in that time he had received some messages from Kageyama. They were simple texts, nothing too far off from what Hinata was used to receiving from the dark haired setter but somehow Hinata was able to overthink them as well.

Annoyed with his lack of ability to rest, Hinata rolled to his side and grabbed his phone from his night stand, pulling up the messaging app and finding Kageyama's contact. He couldn't seem to stop himself from reading the messages, even though he had already seen them a million times.

[Tuesday, 4:15 PM]

bakageyama: hey

what's up

[7:45 PM]

bakageyama: u wanna hang out

we haven't done anything together in a while

They were so simple, yet they made Hinata's mind race.

Hinata had noticed that Kageyama had become more distant ever since he had broken up with her. It was like the opposite of what happened to Hinata. It was like she had been what was making Kageyama happy.

Maybe if Hinata hadn't been so obviously upset by Kageyama's relationship. Maybe if Hinata hadn't been so possessive over someone who he knew was not going to love him. Maybe if Hinata hadn't been so distant himself, hadn't been so rude, hadn't been so closed off. If Hinata hadn't done many things, maybe Kageyama would be happier, right?

Something warm and salty dripped down Hinata's cheek, following the curve of his jaw all the way to his bottom lip. Hinata hadn't even realized that he had been crying. He hastily wiped at the tears, shaking his head.

"It's my fault." Hinata let out an angry scream into his pillow. Everything was his fault.

Kageyama probably broke up with her because he saw how his relationship was negatively affecting Hinata, which in turn would negatively affect the team. Therefore, Hinata being a little crybaby ruined Kageyama's happiness.

Or maybe he was just overthinking it?

His brain quickly shut down that idea. It was obviously his fault. He just ruined everything and maybe things would be better without him. But he shook off that thought as well, pulling at his bright orange locks in frustration. He was supposed to be sleeping, not fretting over some random texts from his friend.

Were they still friends?

Had Hinata ruined that too?

And not to get started on Hoshi's weird phone call...

Maybe Hinata's hug from the beginning of their date was too much for Hoshi. Maybe he got really overwhelmed and realized that Hinata just wasn't for him.

Hinata slapped his cheeks, the sting snapping him back to reality. He was fine. He had to be fine. He needed to stop worrying. He needed to stop-

Hinata peeked at the texts again. Maybe it was to see Kageyama's bland, yet strangely comforting texts. Maybe it was because he had no self control. Maybe it was a bit of both. God, Hinata hated "maybe's".

And he hated that his mind always brought them up. It was enough, occasionally speculating over small things, but the moment something bad or weird happened to Hinata, his mind automatically began spewing nonsense theories and alternate ideas pertaining to the situation. It frustrated the orange haired boy immensely.

Clenching his eyes closed, Hinata tried to imagine nice things.

Like flowers, or meat buns, or winning a game, or tossing with... tossing with Kageyama. Kageyama.

Hinata shook the thoughts of the blue eyes teenager away and tried again.

Fall, leaves, cool, breeze, sweater, Kageyama's sweater... her... the date with Hoshi.

Oh no.

Hinata let out another frustrated cry into his pillow. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes.

Hinata knew that he could never make Kageyama as happy as he had been with her. Never. Because when she left, it was as though she had taken all of Kageyama's happiness away with her as well. Hinata couldn't restore Kageyama's joy. After all, he wasn't even half as perfect as she was. But at least Hoshi was there for him.

Or was he?

Hinata squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the warm tickle of tears dripping down his pale cheeks. After ages of laying in place, hugging his pillow, Hinata finally managed to fall into a dreamless sleep. His phone that still open to Kageyama's texts, was wrapped tightly in his hand.