searching of my amirah seeking of true love

engagement

: I was just so happy to be spending time by chatting with her. I felt like she was so nice for me. While time was getting pass I was getting those feelings so often. Then I didn't have any idea about how to say it to her.
Those feelings were so amazing. I started ask my self " am I start loving her . Because nowadays I feel so happy to talk with her. Also I wanted to make her so Happy person. How can I tell it to her" I was thinking so deeply about these things. I waited for a better time to tell about this. But we talked about Islamic things and so on.
I felt like if I can learn Islam with her .Then both can learn a lot.Then she also agreed to that . Then I tried to choose a point and debate about that some days.
Also discussed about Islamic rules. One day she told that " some people behave like barbarian in our country, also they are muslims. No one can understand the Islam within their life .I learned by Islam by the Quran and hadhith . If I tried to find it by the Muslims maybe it would be hard to me to accept Islam. Also here Christian following the Christianity with a extreme level. These things also dangerous isn't it"
I replied "yeah it's dangerous to be a extreme in anything. Islam don't teach it . Islam always teach to be nutral life."
Also I asked "why you told in your country muslims being like barbarian?"
She replied"Because in some cases they miss understood the Islam and doing some things. Some following extremely. Also some of them totally denied the women's rights. But Islam didn't teach it . They behave with women In a very in proper way. That's a wrong thing"

Like that always our discussion focused on something and discussed. But I felt so pleasure to be with her. I thought how to tell about this. I felt little scared too. But one night I told about that. I told " I really prefer to live with you in future. You seem so nice girl. But still I am studying and I am not rich . In future I really want to marry . Will you accept me❓"
But she replied "I  don't want to marry a person. I want to be alone always. "
Her reply hurt me. But nothing to do. But I tried to change her thoughts. Because she didn't say I don't like you. But she said she doesn't want to marry someone. Then I thought want to talk about the Islamic rules again with her. Because Islam says that marriage as a essential thing. Also I try to make her understand that a girl can't live alone. But she didn't agreed about the arguments. I didn't know the exact reason why she  is saying like that. Time passed we was still friends. One day she told me not to message her anymore.
It felt like something burnt me. I said I didn't do anything wrong
: " why are you saying like that" but without reply she blocked me .
I felt so worse inside. Why she did like that. My heart start to talk with me."am I behave anything bad.? I only asked about her preference but she didn't want. I tried to change her mind.but she didn't want it too. But after that I didn't do anything wrongly. Why she blocked me." Without non stop my heart questioned me. But I didn't had any answers. Only my heart filled with confusion and sadness..
I started crying in front of Allah. " Ya Allah I thought you would give me a nice person in my life. I thought that's her . I thought she is my amirah. ya Allah show me how to identify her. Ya Allah I can't have pain again and again. It's really hurt full . It's make me like dead person. I can't manage it. Ya Allah I can't give my hopes always and lose😭. "
After some hours I got a idea .that I tried to create a WhatsApp in other number. And create the WhatsApp. Then I asked the forgiveness from her and the reason of bloking me .
She replied only one thing. She got engaged and she doesn't want to talk with anyone.
I asked " is it happening according to your preference?,
Did your parents arrange that engagement?,
Is he a Muslim?
How can you live if he isn't a Muslim?🥺"
Also asked so many questions which I felt to ask.
But I didn't got any replies . I worried so much not to miss her . But for the fear of bad ending of her life😖.
I went to my room with a heavy heart. I was started asking dua for her ."ya Allah I thought she will be mine. But ya Allah she gone. Ya Allah you know the reason why I am asking for this. You know my feelings of heart more than everyone. Ya Allah give her a nice life😭
Ya Allah I told her to make her happy but I didn't do that. I didn't had a chance too. Ya Allah if that person is a non Muslim put imaan in his heart. Ya Allah give her a nice family. Ya Allah give her life to he freedom to follow your religion. Ya Allah forgive me for my sins"
.
Even if it was sadness I wanted to except it. Some days gone with that sadness. I tried to overcome from that. I didn't give up I started searching to fulfill my dreams and to find my amirah.