Enjoying Your Company //

chapter twelve

Spencer's POV:

I spent hours at the hospital with Vanessa. I saw her every day I could for about a month, after her physical therapy sessions. The doctors were  feeding her thin doses of Demerol so her system wouldn't go into shock. I'd fed her jell-o cups, read her poems by Andre Brenton, even while she slept. As my attempt to ease her through the pain. There were times where she'd retract, recoil from me in her drug induced sleep. I know it's a subconscious response stemming from trauma, and it doesn't hurt my feelings. It just made me...dejected. It leaves me in agony seeing her like that. She never got the chance to tell me anything about her, I never knew what she was going through, what she'd been through. A girl so warm and eloquent, going through a life so dark and grim.

A few days after she was admitted, Vanessa's mother came to visit. I watched them chitter as I walk up to her room. I caught her eye, seeing her motion for me. She was starting to look better. Her color returned to skin, downgraded to the nasal cannula, perked up in the bed with a grin.

"Mom, this is Spencer." Her mother turned, watching me walk in. I toss up my hand, giving my platonic wave. She smiled, I could see where Vanessa got hers, as she graciously wrapped her arms around me.

"Thank you." She whispered pulling away, still grinning. "It's nice to finally meet you Spencer, I'm Hazel." She had dark red, angle cut at her shoulders, green eyes and a sprinkle of freckles.

"It's very nice to meet you." I felt Vanessa beaming at me, my face flushing bright red. Hazel turned over her shoulder to Vanessa. "He is cute."

"Mom-"

"What, he is!" Both of our faces burned. Hazel grinned walking to Vanessa and kissed her head. "Why don't I go find something to eat. Stop by your apartment, bring you some clothes, take care of Olive. I've gotta get back to Max in a few hours."

"Thanks, mom." She brushed the side of Vanessa's head maternally, walking towards me.

"Keep on eye on her for me will you, Spencer."

"Yes ma'am." She gave me a smile as she left the room.

"Sorry about my mom, she's a little, artistic." Vanessa nervously tucked a fallen strand of hair behind her ear as I approached.

"She seems sweet."

"Sweet is one word for it." It fell quiet. "Can I ask you something." I took the seat closest to her.

"What is it?"

"Do you ever feel like you weren't meant to be happy?" She stopped. "Like, the world you've been put in will never allow you to live that happy life you want?"

"I have.."

"How do you move out of that feeling?" Her teal eyes like a crashing wave. "How do you pick yourself up and get to happiness?"

"I-I'm still trying to figure that out myself." I exhale. "When I started at the FBI, it was all an equation to me. How to get the answer from the question. How to find the variables, the steps, the necessities. But I learned in my years of being there, that there's always more in question. You can't always save lives, you can't always get there in time, you can't always figure it out. At least, not alone."

"You lost someone you loved." My chest felt like lightning. "I know what that's like." She looked down at herself. "What was her name?" I almost couldn't speak.

"Maeve." I swallowed, thinking of her. "She, uh, she was one I couldn't save." We shared a moment of silence.

"Mine was Allison." Vanessa spoke. "She and I were inseparable. Best friends since kinder care. When we were fifteen, we went out to a movie, on the way home, we noticed this van following us. By the time we were running, the van was right behind us. Allison, pushed me out of the way.. I tried running after her.. I tried getting her back.. Police found her, three days later." A tear fell from her eye. "Ever since than, I feel like life has held me back from everything I could have been..." She put a hand to her chest, reaching for her necklace, when her face fell. Feeling nothing. She dissociated for a split second as the heartbreak took over. Taking in a slow quivering breath, blinking tears away. I took the sheets beneath her hand, holing tight.

"That necklace was Allison's, wasn't it?" She nodded, clutching her hand shut.

"It was the only thing they were able to find of her." She whispered.

"The CSI never found anything matching its description." A tear fell down her cheek, quickly wiping it. "Vanessa, I'm so sorry." I squeezed her hand. "You didn't leave her behind by moving on." I promised, our eyes locked. "Every day you're living your life, your better life, your living for her too." She sat forward. "You didn't lose Allison for good. She's with you everywhere you go, because she's in your heart." She sniffled, running the back of her hand against her face. Extending her free hand to touch my jaw, intoxicating me.

"Thank you." I simper, falling hard, feeling a step closer to her inner being.

Hazel watched from the glass wall, happily tilting her head, feeling the affection between us.