salvia. [h.s. AU]

Chapter Fifteen

Trigger Warning: depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.

***

FLASHBACK

1988

"There's something I want to show you." His voice sounded so nervous, that for a moment she thought something serious had happened. Her heart raced inside of her chest, anxiety quickly building and weighing on her shoulders, and she could feed how reddened her cheeks had turned.

"W-What?" She managed to babble, taking a step back from her lover, as if trying to create a physical distance so her mind would have enough space to grow and grow with all the desperate, senseless thoughts running wild. "Did something happen?"

"What? No!" He raised his eyebrows, chucking and getting close enough he could cup her face lovingly, his thumbs gently stroking her soft, burning hot cheeks. "You worry too much, my love. It's a good thing, I swear."

She pinned her eyes on his, ocean blues on forest green, trying to read something behind them, some hidden motive, a little lie underneath, but there was nothing but love irradiating from him. It doesn't matter that they were together for almost 6 years now, she still couldn't believe how lucky she was to have him in her life, and furthermore, loving her.

She used to think she was so unlovable. She was so aware of every single one of her flaws, it was surprising for her that he was able to see beyond them. But every time she looked into his eyes, there wasn't even a sparkle of disappointment or disgust like it happened when she was around her parents. No, he only had love and admiration for her, and even though she never really understood why he loved her, she accepted it.

And she knew, deep down, that she was being selfish, letting him love her. Because even though she loved him too, with her whole heart, she was also fully aware he was too good for her and that she would only cause pain to him, for the simple reason that causing pain was all she could ever do. She always knew that loving her was a death sentence, but she let him do it either way because he made her feel so good. He made her so happy - as happy as she could ever be.

"What is it?" She asked him as they walked through the long corridor of his parent's house, the house she spent so much time in, it felt more like home to her than the actual house she lived in. Well, to be quite honest, even if she wasn't there all the time it still would feel the same.

Any place was better than her own house.

"I've been doing it for a while, but I wanted to show you only when it's ready." He said, excitedly, his fingers firmly tangled with hers as he pulled her, almost running now, towards his room. "But now it's done and I can't wait for you to see it!"

By the time they stopped at the door of his room, they were both panting, but it didn't sweep the smile away from his lips. It was like this every time she was around him - he simply couldn't stop smiling. She made his heart warm, and he was so grateful for her.