Blank Canvas

Chapter Eight: October 31st, 2020

"I got a few bags of candy if you guys wanted to pass out some candy for the trick-or-treaters." Zoe stated with a small smile as she glanced back and forth between Liam and I. Dominic, Zoe, Liam, and I were having dinner together again and Liam joined us because he was home by himself since his father travels for work. We were having spaghetti tonight and it was delicious; I had no idea if I ever had it before.

"Trick-or-treaters?" I questioned, unsure of the meaning behind that term.
Liam smiled at me as he grabbed my hand, "every year on October 31st, children dress in costumes and gather candy or other treats by going door-to-door."

"Did I ever do that?"

Liam chuckled, "yes, you have. Lucas, me, and you went every year. I can always show you some pictures from the album if you would like." I nodded before he continued,"would you like to pass out candy?" I nodded again; I was excited to see the costumes the children have on.

Everyone gathered their plates and helped clean up the aftermath of dinner. Once we were done, it was dark enough to sit on the front step to pass out candy and we had the porch light on to let the children know we were passing candy. Liam and I both sat on the porch swing, rocking back and forth softly with the candy bucket between us.

Ever since my flashback and the figure stated he loved me and wished for a life with each other outside of the basement; it got me wondering. Was it Lucas? Did he really mean it? Why did I hesitate when he asked me who my roommate was? Was I lying to him or was I trying to simply remember?

"Liam?" I whispered his name. Should I ask him this question or was it going to be silly to him?

"Yes?" We made eye contact as his dark blue eyes bore into my brown ones. It felt as though I did not have to ask my question because he was already reading my mind.

"If Lucas and I were not taken..." I suddenly stopped because it felt like I could not get the word out. I cleared my throat before continuing, "If Lucas and I were not taken, do you think we would have developed a relationship outside of our friendship?" I bit my lip, feeling embarrassed that I literally asked Liam who was Lucas's brother. Did he really want to think of me being in a relationship with his brother? What if Liam liked me? Shit, I did not think this through.

This time, he cleared his throat," well, I know Lucas always had a connection with you that me and you do not share. I'll be honest. I was jealous of Lucas because of that. I wanted to be the one you had that connection with. I knew he was hesitant due to the five year age difference."

So he did like me. I really want to figure out who my roommate was. I just have this feeling it is Lucas, but what if I was wrong? I gotta keep it to myself until I know for sure. But what if it was Lucas? How can I tell Liam that I fell for his brother? It was going to break his heart. To me, Liam was like a protective brother and nothing else. I should even be thinking about relationships when I literally just escaped Hell, but I am so curious about how me and my roommate developed this relationship during such a horrible time in our lives?

"Clary?" He called out my name and I made eye contact with his sad eyes. He knew he never had a chance even before I was taken. He was hoping that if I ever came back that my feelings would be different.

"Trick or treat!" A child yelled in front of us. He was dressed up as a cowboy and I smiled at him.

"I love your costume!" Liam stated as his face lit up with excitement. He grabbed a handful of candy and threw it into his bucket that was shaped like a pumpkin. The child had a huge grin on his face as he ran off the porch to his mom that was standing in the yard. She waved at us with a smile before walking off with her son.

Awkward silence fell over us as I believed Liam thought he made a mistake by telling me how he really felt and I was unsure of what to say to make him feel better about the situation. "He was there with you, wasn't he?" I stared down at my feet, refusing to make eye contact with him. What do I say?

"I have no idea." I mumbled quickly.

I watched in my peripheral vision as he stared at me with sadness in his eyes. I did not know what to say. I couldn't think of anything to say that would take his pain away, but my mouth refused to allow me to apologize. Instead, I apologized to him in my mind over and over.

After a few moments went by, he stood up from his seat and I watched as the distance grew between us. It made my heart ache because I felt as if I was losing him, but my body and mouth refused to do anything to make him stop. So I sat there and watched the one person who loved me unconditionally.

I actually found a dictionary and I practiced remembering certain words. Unconditionally was one of the words when he brought it up while he talked about my parents. When I read the definition, I knew in my heart that Liam's love fit that description, but yet, I let him go. Because I knew I couldn't love him in the way he loved me. My person was out there and I would do anything I could to find him.