Blank Canvas

Chapter Nine: November 5th, 2020:

I laid on the couch with the remote, trying to find a channel. I sighed, turning off the television before placing the remote onto the wooden table in front of me. It's been a few days since I saw Liam on Halloween night; he has not come over since then. I have been trying to give him space, but it was so boring without him.

"Honey, where has Liam been? He hasn't joined us for dinner for a few days." Zoe questioned with a kitchen towel in her hands, staring at me as her eyebrows scrunched together with concern.

I sighed, "Zoe, I think I messed up." I haven't been comfortable enough to call her mom because for the longest time, I thought I had no one, especially no parents.

"What happened?" She asked as she took a seat in the grey chair and I sat up to face her.

"Liam explained that Lucas and I had a special connection before we were taken. Well, Liam admitted that he was hoping I would have different feelings, but I don't. I made him upset and he left."

"Was Lucas with you?" Should I tell her what I know so far? Or just keep my mouth quiet?

"I have no idea if it was him, but I know someone was with me and I feel like that someone is my person. I feel like no one can replace that role."

"Clary." She paused before continuing "I understand that you feel like Liam cannot replace that role, but that doesn't mean you cannot have him in your life. That person will understand Liam's purpose in your life and you do not have to lose either of them."

I sighed as I stared at the photo album on the bookcase that was by the fireplace. I knew what I needed to do.

I stood up and went up to Zoe to hug her while whispering, "thank you, Mom." A gigantic smile appeared on her face as she held onto me with all of her strength. Once we let go, I took the photo album from the bookcase and held it to my chest. "I will be at Liam's house." Zoe nodded as I walked past her towards the front door.

After I placed my tennis shoes on along with a small jacket, I walked to my left towards Liam's house. It was a light blue two-story house with a small porch that could only fit two chairs. I knocked on the dark, wooden door and waited for someone to answer.

Liam opened the door and immediately sighed, "what do you want?"

I glanced down at the photo album that I was holding against my chest, "do you mind going through the album with me?" I gave a small smile, in hopes he said yes.

He opened the door wider and allowed space for me to pass through. He led me from the large kitchen that was filled with no other color, but white. In the living room, there was dark furniture such as black leather couch and chair along with a black coffee table and bookcases. He sat down on the couch before patting the seat next to him.

We placed the album between us as we opened it up. "Every year, we had Thanksgiving at our house because we have the largest kitchen while we had Christmas at your house due to you having the larger living space." He stated as he waved his hand around to prove a point; he was right.

He pointed to a picture filled with unfamiliar faces besides my family, Lucas and Liam. "This is our neighborhood barbecue that we throw every year on the 4th of July." Then pointed at a picture of me in a blackcat costume while Liam was a pirate and Lucas was a clown. "This was our last Halloween together and you were a cat for the third time." He started laughing as I looked at him, asking if he was serious with my eyes.

"You loved cats. You used to have a black cat named Shadow." He flipped through the album to show me a specific picture of me holding Shadow. "You adopted Shadow when he was five years old and he passed away a year ago in December. Do you remember?"

I shook my head in defeat; I was hoping to get at least one memory back by going through the photo album, but I thought of the last flashback I had. It took me a month between injections to remember my own name so I have to be patient and give it time.

It was October 24th when I was in the alleyway and it has only been thirteen days; I cannot expect my memory to come back in an instant and neither should my family or Liam. But who wrote Liam's name and birthday when I could only remember my name by what I told the man. Maybe I lied to him and knew more than what he thought. Who else would know Liam's birthday? It had to be Lucas.

I cleared my throat as I stared down at my hands in my lap, "Liam, are you still upset with me?"

He refused to make eye contact as he stated, "I am not upset with you. I am more upset with myself because I made myself believe if I ever found you, your feelings for me would change. I shouldn't have assumed or forced myself to believe that because you should be more focused on getting your memory back rather than feelings for some guy."

"You are right. I should be focused on remembering my past life, but Liam, I still care for you deeply. I do not think those feelings would ever change. I am sorry that I cannot share the same feelings, but you are always going to be an important person in my life. I do not know if Lucas was with me, but deep down, I feel like my person is out there, waiting for me to find them." I expressed my feelings as nicely as I could, trying hard not to upset Liam.

Liam placed the photo album down before standing up and extending both of his arms out for me to grab. His large hands grasped my small ones as he pulled me off of the couch and pulled me into a bear hug. "You are always going to be my best friend, whether or not my memory comes back. You have been here for me since day one when we met at the police station. I don't know how to pay you back for the endless love and support you have given me." I whispered into his ear as we swayed back and forth.

He chuckled as his warm breath tickled my ear, "you do not owe me anything, Clary." He shook his head before continuing, "all I ask for is to have you be a part of my life."

It was my turn to chuckle, "of course, I would not have it any other way."