Lifeguard from Maracas Bay

Chapter 23 - A Fork In The Road

About ten minutes later they came to a fork in the road. Peter asked, "Does anyone know if we should take the one on the right or the one on the left?" No one knew which way to go and since they did not have the beer at the summit, Uncle Eddie took one from his cooler and invited the others to join him. He took a big swig and said, "How I wish we had my trusted GPS to tell us which path to follow." Raising his left hand, he said, "I'll make an executive decision, we'll take the path to the right."

The others wanted to take the path to the left but Uncle Eddie insisted that the one on the right was the right one. He then said, "If we take the path on the left and it is wrong, I will lose my bet with Auntie G and I don't want to wear those ugly curlers." Not wanting to be responsible for him losing his bet, they all agree to take the path to the right.

Everything went well until Uncle Eddie tripped on a Muntingia root and fell face first into the bush. His blue cooler went flying into the air and over the cliff. To save himself from the same faith as his cooler, he grabbed on to a tree and remained there until Willie pulled him back. At first, all Willie heard was a guttural sound coming from Uncle Eddie. When he was able to speak, Uncle Eddie offered timidly, "That was a very close call!"

Way down in the valley, they could see Uncle Eddie's blue cooler perched on a patch of wild vines at the top of a tree. It was swaying gently back and forth in the breeze. Uncle Eddie said, "That will have to stay right where it is because I am not going for it!" Without another word, the group continued quietly down the mountainside.

A few minutes later, they saw the top of a small building and Uncle Eddie triumphantly declared, "We made it. And ... in good time too! I wouldn't have to wear Auntie G's ugly curlers." His jubilation ended when they realized that the roof was surrounded by a well maintained field of cassava. The path they were on went up to the wobbly looking front stoop of the little house.

That was when, for the first time since they left the minivan, Willie's cell phone broke the uneasy silence. He quickly put it on the speaker phone. "Where are you guys," enquired Maria. "The twins have been here for at least thirty minutes now and Auntie G is keeping a close eye on the time."

"We are still on the mountain," offered Willie. "We'll be there as soon as we can." After the call ended, Uncle Eddie sheepishly confessed, "I guess the path to the left was the right one. Let's hurry so that we could get down to the beach before the four hours."

Sitting on the beach next to Uncle Ralphie, with their toes in the warm sand and a cold beer in their hands, Alfie looked at the monstrous mountain and asked, "Why would anyone in their right mind want to hike over that mountain when they could do like us and sit here on the beach drinking beers?"

"Beats me," agreed Uncle Ralphie with a cherubic look on his face. "I did that when I was a teenager and, now that I have more common sense, I am never doing that again. Besides, it is much more fun sitting here watching these gorgeous girls parading back and forth in their revealing swimsuits."

"This got to be the prettiest place in the whole darn world," declared Uncle Ralphie. "Now, now, my brother, don't get carried away because of those lovely ladies displaying their wares in front of you," said Alfie. "Every place in the world has its own charm and everyone thinks that their neck of the woods is the best in the world. That is why people from all walks of life yearn to go back to their homeland, wherever it may be."

Alfie took a long swig from his beer and said, "Now that we are here alone, enjoying this peaceful moment, I want to have a heart to heart talk with you – man to man!" Eying him suspiciously Uncle Ralphie said, "OK!" and waited nervously. Alfie asked, "If Auntie G died or decided to leave you, would you marry again?" Surprised by Alfie's odd question, Ralphie said, "I would never marry again! I could never love another woman the way I love Auntie G."

Ralphie took another swig of his beer and looking at the curvaceous form of the woman sunbathing a few feet away said, "Who am I kidding? I hate to sleep alone and I can't even cook a decent meal. I would have no choice but to get married again." Realizing that he had opened up a can of worms, Alfie tried to diffuse the situation by saying, "Stop looking at her, she will only get you in trouble."

That was when the man he knew as his quiet older brother said, "When I was younger, there were those who thought that parts of me should be registered with the government. They thought that the concubines in my harem were at considerable personal risk." Alfie wanted to ask about the harem but instead he heard himself saying, "Bloody hell! Where did that come from? Is it the result of too many beers or has the sun set fire to what is left of your brains?"

Instead of answering Alfie's questions, he said, "What about you Alfie?" Then they heard Auntie G ask, "What about Alfie?" Thinking quickly, Ralphie said, "I just told him I need to go pee and wondered if he needed to go to." With a smirk she asked, "Are you two going to pee together?" Alfie stood up and said, "You bet! We'll go for a little swim and pee in the water. No one will know and no one will care. In fact, I bet that most of those people out there have already peed in the water." Looking directly at Auntie G, Alfie said matter-of-factly, "You do know that is why the water in the sea is so salty."

She reached down to grab a handful of sand and Alfie narrowly escaped her throw as he darted for the water. When Alphie and Ralphie returned, the others had joined Auntie G who now had her hand over her brow looking towards the path where the twins emerged earlier. She was watching to see if Uncle Eddie would make it before the four hours. "Five whole minutes left," she declared incredulously and paced back and forth frantically as if someone was expecting a baby.

When the large numbers on Auntie G's watch displayed 10:59 AM she started a countdown with childlike delight, "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one." With a clenched fist she declared, "Yes! Eddie will have to wear my curlers and face cream the next time we go anywhere."

Peter was the first to be seen within the dense foliage on the mountainside; then came Pete and Paco. A few minutes later, Willie and Uncle Eddie came into view with Willie supporting Uncle Eddie on his shoulder. Auntie G could hardly wait to tell Uncle Eddie that he had lost the bet and would have to wear her curlers and face cream.

With little or no regard about how Uncle Eddie was feeling after that strenuous hike over the mountain Auntie G taunted him. "Guess who is going to wear my curlers and face cream all day tomorrow?" she asked as Willie and Uncle Eddie came within earshot. Willie gingerly helped Uncle Eddie to a seat in the shade and asked Maria for a towel and a cold drink for him.

"Did he want a cold beer?" enquired Maria. "No, no. Just some plain water." As expected, Uncle Eddie protested and said, "Don't worry with him. I feel fine. I'll have the beer." Maria returned with a cold bottle of water and said, "Have some of this while I get the beer for you." She then joined her mother who was organizing the sandwiches for lunch.

Willie and the others went for a swim to wash away the sweaty feeling from the hike. They came back and quickly devoured the stash of sandwiches and guzzled down a beer or two. The twins did not have any beer. Instead, they had a double helping from the cake that Lucy served. Brenda passed around juicy slabs of watermelon and they devoured that too. Uncle Eddie was just starting to feel like his old self again and said to Maria, "I'll have that beer now if you don't mind."

After lunch, the ladies and the twins went swimming again while the tired hikers slept on the beach. Alfie and Uncle Ralphie continued drinking beers and watching the bikini-clad visitors parading back and forth. Looking at one in a bikini that appeared to be at least two sizes too small for the voluptuous body, Ralphie winked at Alfie and said, "I wouldn't write home about that one but I could learn to love her if I must."

Ralphie took another swig of his beer and pointed to one in a bright yellow bikini walking away from them, "Look at the coccyx on that one," he stuttered, spilling beer all over himself. "She could spend my money any day." Then he saw the perfect looking woman. She had a beautiful face, a gorgeous figure and a smooth flowing gait. He lifted his beer and said, "Now, that is my kind of woman. If I marry that one, we'll do some unspeakable things on a regular basis."

When their wives finally returned from swimming, Auntie G brought a container of water and threw it on the sleeping lot. "Wakie-wakie, my sleeping beauties; we did not come to Maracas Bay to sleep. Get up so we could go for a walk." Uncle Eddie showed her his legs and said, "No more walking for me today. I have pains in places that did not even exist before today." Paco suggested that they head over to his house to have some drinks and fire up the barbeque.