You Decorated My Universe (Stevencest)

TWELVE

Steven and I arrived back home safely. The pizza delivery guy was waiting in front of the door, tapping his feet whilst glancing at his watch; wondering where the people were. We descended slowly, I then walked over behind the pizza guy and tapped his shoulder.

He jolted as he gave us a startling countenance. "I-I'm sorry?"

"The pizza," I said. I pulled out my wallet and took out fifteen bucks. I lent it to him as a replacement with the pizza. His body trembled as he tried to observe me, which I gave him with narrowed eyes. He avoided my blank eye contact, moving in a side-wise motion, awkwardly embarrassed.

We both entered the room and settled in to feast for pizza and some orange juice. Accompanied by binge-watching on Netflix shows like Stranger Things, She-Ra and the Princess of Power, and the American Horror Story. Each time I glance at Steven having fun, I noticed how glad he must be, and that he is putting a smile on his face. It made me happy to see him in a state he is satisfactorily pleasing every part of the moment.

But something disconcerted me, which made me question a lot.

The kiss.

Did it mean anything? Why did my body felt like it was drowning in heavenly clouds?

I guess it was just the moment that pulled me in. But why, though? Surely, it didn't mean to be unintentional, that Steven has fallen over heels to his gem—me. I didn't want to put emphasis on it, yet despite the ignorance on the matter, my mind couldn't stop from getting into the focus of Steven getting fluttery around me, it's driving me insane for an unknown purpose.

The kiss—it felt good to feel that feeling, though I argued it was nothing but just a peck on the lips. Then again, what do I know? Confused feelings make little sense to me. However, I couldn't stand a chance at it. Ugh! I tried stalling, but it never worked, it's making my gem heart fluster intensively even if I try to think aside.

I'm just confused.

I sighed in silence. "I hope I am."

The night went on and our enjoyment finally faded. Steven's head was on my shoulder, dozing off. He made soft snores as he snuggled right next to me, curling up as his arms intertwined with mine. I lifted him bridal style and carried him to his bedroom. I rolled the sheet on top of Steven and tucked the edges underneath him. I stared, watching him sleep while he twitched his lips.

I was about to leave the room when my ego made me stop. I ran my fingers on the door frame and softly clenched it. I balled my other hand and looked back at Steven. I find it hard to digest how numb I am of wanting to feel the same thing Steven feels. It's intimidating. He may look like a cute oddball, but deep inside, he's still a person suffering from problems—difficult ones—and challenges he couldn't handle on his own. It's not enough just by telling him to be okay, I want myself to crawl inside his skin and feel everything he feels. He's been in so much pain, and I want to be in pain too.

I just wish I can connect with your emotions, Steven, no matter how sentimental it may be... I want to understand the pain you feel so I can give the care you truly deserve.

I went back to Steven and sat beside him as I held his hand, rubbing his knuckles with my thumb. Later, I placed my hand on his chest—his heartbeat, neutral and light to the thump. I caressed his face afterward, his rosy cheeks appeared as he twitched his head to lie on my hand. It made me smile.

I leaned toward him closer than ever and kissed his forehead. It took long for me to let go of that peck, for I felt something powerful aroused inside of me.