Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain

She's just sleeping

Josie's POV: I sighed, rubbing my eyes exhaustedly as I sat down in a familiar chair. "How are you today, Josie", Emma asked me nicely. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as I blinked back my tears.

"I'm fine", I supplied with a false smile.

Clicking her pen, I followed her movements as she wrote something down before looking back up at me expectedly. "Waking up is still a little unnerving, but I manage", I nodded thoughtfully. "I still go to class like every other day. My grades are fine", I told her. "But it's hard", I admitted, looking down as my hair shielded my face. "To wake up to a silent, empty room. To get dressed and attend classes as if everything is normal, but...it isn't", I admitted quietly.

I looked up at Emma as she gave me a kind smile, nodding to continue. "I still wake up sometimes, expecting to hear her getting ready, or talking about some crush", I laughed, licking my lips anxiously. "I don't know what normal is anymore", I muttered. "I mean, my dad puts on a big show, but I still notice him locking himself in his office at night. The smell of alcohol that always seems to linger on his breath", I explained. "He hates me", I whispered tearfully.

"Josie, your father loves you", Emma frowned.

"He won't even look at me", I choked out tearfully. "And mom makes any excuse to be away because seeing her like this makes her sad, because she's completely given up", I stated. "They can't stand to even be in the same room as me anymore", I sobbed, covering my mouth shakily. "And it's all my fault", I said, wrapping my arms around myself tightly.

" Are you still doing the calming method I taught you", she asked me as I bit my tongue. Shaking my head, she sighed in disappointment as she listed something down. "Josie, the only way you're gonna get better is to take the medication, and do the exercises I taught you", she scolded as I huffed in irritation. She sighed, looking down at her watch.

 "Well, that's all we have time for today", she said apologetically. "I look forward to seeing see you next week", she smiled, causing me to nod as I sniffed, wiping at my eyes as I left the room numbly.

I walked down the hall, trying to ignore the whispers as I kept my head down. Walking through the front doors, I made the familiar trek toward the hospital before walking into the main entrance. Walking up the stairs, I jumped back in surprise as I bumped into Stacy. "Josie, you're here", she grinned excitedly.

"Aren't I usually", I asked, raising my eyebrows as I adjusted my bag on my shoulder. 

"Yeah. Well, I kinda expected to see you earlier this morning like everyone else", she admitted, causing me to frown in confusion. 

"Everyone else", I questioned.

"Your father, and that Mikaelson girl. What's her name again", she asked.

"Hope", I whispered.

"Yeah! Hope. That's her", she smiled.

"Why are they here", I asked, causing her smile to drop. "I mean, they never bothered to show up before", I explained.

"I thought you'd be happy with the news", she frowned.

"What are you talking about", I asked, causing her frown to deepen.

"You don't know...", she trailed off, looking me over. 

"Know what", I asked. "Is it Lizzie? Is she okay? Did something-"

"No. Nothing like that", she assured.

"I don't understand", I frowned.

"Josie", she said, placing her hand on my arm. "You're sister's awake", she supplied, causing my breath to catch.

"Awake", I said breathlessly, pushing passed her as I opened the door. I almost expected her to be laughing and joking around, but when I pushed open the doors, she was still sound asleep on her bed. My shoulders dropped in disappointment. "I thought you said that she was awake", I accused, looking over at the doctor.

"She's just sleeping", Stacy assured.

"Sleeping", I scoffed. "She's been 'just sleeping' for the pass two years", I shot back as tears filled my eyes. "Why didn't anyone tell me when she that she was awake? Why am I just finding out about this now", I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I thought everyone knew. The whole school was talking about it", Hope explained.

"The whole school", I asked as a burning sensation filled my chest. "Everyone else knew about this but me", I glared.

"Josie, it's not-"

"No. I get it", I glared darkly. "It is my fault! I did this", I exclaimed angrily. "I wrote Hope that letter. I'm the one who slipped it under the door, and I'm the one who started the fire", I shouted as angry tears ran down my face. "God! Do you think this is so easy for me", I accused. "I beat myself up for this every day for years", I cried.

I breathed in shakily as I slipped the note under the door.

This will work. It has to.

But what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she rejects me?

I panicked as I reached under the door, attempting to pull the letter back out. "No. No. This can't be happening", I whispered, as I got to my feet. Biting my lips, I looked around nervously before saying a quiet spell.

"Josie? What are you doing here", Hope sniffed, wiping at her eyes.

"Hope! I-I was just...", I stammered out, stumbling over my words. "Um...checking up on you", I offered, laying a hand on her shoulder. I mean, it's not technicality lying. What happened with her parents was just awful.

"Thanks, Jo", she smiled sheepishly, before her smile slowly melted away to concern. "Do you smell...smoke", Hope frowned, causing my eyes to widen in horror. "Oh my God", she gasped as smoke seeped though under the door. 

"I didn't know. I didn't mean to", I tried to explain, squeezing my eyes shut at the memory. "I didn't know anyone was inside, and by the time we got the door open...", I said, shaking my head painfully. "T-there was just too much smoke, and she...", I breathed as my body shook violently. "When the doctors told me that Lizzie may never regain consciousness, that was the worst day of my life", I said through gritted teeth.

"I lost everything that day! You, mom, my friends...", I said, looking between the two. "I was neglected, and bullied for the next two years! Nobody wanted to be around me. Not even my own parents", I shouted, clenching my fists at my side as tears ran down my face.

"The only person I could talk to...", I paused, wiping at my eyes. "That would understand what I was going through was gone", I explained. "S-she's gone", I choked out. "And I killed her", I cried, dropping to my knees as sobs shook my body. "Lizzie, I'm so sorry", I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Come back...come back", I begged. 

"Josie", dad sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder as I shook him away violently.

"NO! Don't touch me", I shouted. "Please...", I hiccuped. "I don't want to hurt you to", I whispered brokenly. "Daddy, I'm sorry. I just can't take it anymore", I admitted tearfully. "Every day. There's this hole, and it's not getting better. So, I try to keep myself busy. Because when I stop...it means she's really gone, and I can't...", I sobbed out.

"Honey, you'll get better. We'll schedule more appointments with Emma, and up your dosages-"

"You don't understand! No amount of medication, or appointments is gonna make this go away", I told him. "It feels like I'm dying-"

"Jo", a small voice echoed around the room.