Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain

Am I waking up

Lizzie's POV: The next time I woke up, I was sure that the conversation that I overheard last night had just been a nightmare. Josie sounded almost defeated, and far more older than I remember. Which is saying a lot since we're supposedly fifteen. I sat up, leaning against the wall tiredly as I held a hand to my head.  

How did this happen? 

Why am I here? 

Is this some kind of strange dream that I conjured up so that I don't have to deal with the pain of losing Josie? Did I somehow die in the real world only to get stuck in this one? Doomed to kill my sister all over again? Or perhaps this really is the real world. What then? Does that mean that everything that I knew was a lie, or am I just doomed to repeat everything all over again?

Does this mean that I'm not crazy, or does dreaming up an entirely different life just prove that I'm even more unstable after all? 

And what about my friends? 

Did I make them up to?

I groaned quietly as my headache slowly returned. I looked up as I spotted Hope push her way into the room with what looked like a tray of food. "Hey", she smiled. "I just wanted to bring you some lunch", she said. "You know...since you haven't really ate anything in two years", she joked before swallowing thickly as she set the tray beside me. "How um...how are you feeling", she asked, clearing her throat.

"Exhausted", I admitted, thankful I could at least say that without tripping over my own words. "Y-you'd think that b-b...being asleep for what, t-two years, would mean that I c...c-couldn't possibly be tired", I sighed, reaching over to pick up the tray. "But I am", I laughed humorlessly as I picked up the tray only for it to fall out of my hands. "Dammit...", I cursed as tears built up behind my eyes.   

"Hey, it's okay", Hope assured, placing a hand on my arm before I shrugged her off. 

"No. N-n-no i...i-it's n-not okay", I sniffed, wiping at my eyes. "I-I don't...I don't know w-what's going on. A f-few days ago I h-had friends. A-actual friends, a-and now they're gone. T-they're all gone, and...", I cried as Hope's expression softened. "E-everyone's crying, and I d-d-d-don't...", I trailed off as a small cry escaped my mouth. "A-a-and apparently dad h-h-hates Josie now", I hiccuped as tears trailed down the side of my face. "And I-I'm useless", I sniffed.

"You're not useless-"

"Y-yes, I am", I snapped, causing her to fall silent. "You d-don't understand. I c-can't h-h-hard...h-hardly move without t-t-t...tiring myself out. I can't p-pick things up", I said, gesturing to the food on the floor. "I c-c-can't even t-talk right", I exclaimed, causing my voice to crack. "All I w-want to do is fix ev...everything, a-and if an-anything I...I ruined it. I r-ruined everything", I sobbed, inhaling sharply as Hope frowned in concern. "I just want my s-sister. I w-want Josie. I just....", I sobbed out before flinching as the door was thrown open.

"What is going on in here", Stacy demanded as sweat and tears dripped down my face. Collapsing back against the bed, I gripped at my chest as I struggled to pull air into my lungs. "Oh my God", she gasped, rushing to my side.

"An episode. She's having an another episode", Hope panicked. "Josie. I'm getting Josie", she announced before running from the room as everything seemed to blur together as my heart dropped. They already know about my episodes?

"Come on, girl", the doctor urged before everything drowned out. My headache worsened as the world around me seemed to...flicker?

"I'm kind of worried, Dr. S", I heard someone say. "She's never had one this bad", they said. 

Is that Mg? 

"And why isn't she waking up", Hope cut in before everything faded away. 

"Hey, Lizzie? Lizzie, stay with me, sweetie", I over heard the doctor say.

"She'll wake up. She has to", dad whispered. "After Josie...", he choked up. "I refuse to lose them both. I can't", he admitted.

I gasped breathlessly as a pair of hands held my arms, causing me to kick my feet as I struggled to get away. "What the hell", I heard someone yell before the hands around my arms disappeared. "Get off her", they panicked. "Lizzie, look at me okay", I heard someone say faintly. "It's Josie. Focus on my voice", she instructed. "Can you do that? Focus on my voice", she said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"J-Jo", I panicked, looking around blindly.

"I'm here. It's okay", she assured. "You're okay", she whispered as breathed heavily. 

My vision cleared as I noticed Stacy standing by the bed as if ready to jump in at any minute while Hope stood next to her with a helpless expression. Looking around, I spotted Josie beside me with tears running down her face as I felt myself relax. 

She's here. 

She's okay. 

I blinked in confusion before looking around.

What was that? 

Am I waking up?   

No. That felt...different. 

It felt like...

I inhaled sharply, causing Josie's grip on my shoulder to tighten fearfully.

It felt like I was dying.