Happy Never After

Beetlejuice

Lee Donghyuck

It's Halloween!

Beetlejuice is a very old movie. Not as old as Snow White, surprisingly, but still old enough that when they pull out the good ol' green screen you can clearly tell. But because it's an old movie, I'm going to do a quick run through for you (the teacher not my audience I think I have), though I think you already have seen it because you're ancient.

The movie follows the lives (though it's more like deaths) of the Maitlands, Barbara and Adam. The two died in a car crash and are now ghosts. If they leave the house they are dropped into a desert with a giant sand snake, so they're kind of stuck where they are unless they want to die again.

The Deetzs, Delia, Charles and their daughter Lydia, move into the house and start renovating it to look modern, and the Maitlands hate that. Absolutely hate that. They hate that so much they try haunting the Deetzs out of the house.

When it becomes clear that their efforts aren't working, ma boi Beetlejuice gets called up and he offers his services after trying to look up Barbara's skirt like three times in a scene. Beetlejuice only wants to be free from his afterworld exile, so he gets Lydia to agree to marry him to save the Maitlands when the Deetzs try to get rid of them.

Then Beetlejuice is exiled (?) again and the Deetz and Maitlands work out a way to live together in their house that no longer looks like trash because the Maitlands are making it look like how it used to and not the trash modern style Delia gave it.

Happy Ending? You would think so.

Actually I'm not sure where I'm going with this so I don't know if they get a happy ending or not. I'm still working that out so we'll see how this goes.

While I'm still thinking, today is Halloween! The peak of the spooky season! The ultimate pumpkin spice latte day! I've never had one of those, but I feel like today would be the day to try it. I bet I could get Jaehyun to make one for me. Johnny would just tell me no.

Oh right, I'm supposed to be thinking. This is why you plan out what you're doing before you start.

Taeil just handed me a piece of paper so I could plan my essay. How the heck do you plan an essay? Oh. Now he's teaching me. Oh.

Okay! Now I know what I'm doing! Let's get into what happened after the credits started rolling (ha I changed it up so now it applies to any movie, animated or live action) (oh yeah this movie is live action in case you didn't know)

I think I'll start with Beetlejuice's ending. Actually, nah, I'll save him for last. I keep trying to write "we'll" as if there's more than one of me.

Let's start with the Maitlands (the dead couple incase you got confused somewhere in the explanation). Barbara and Adam always wanted a child, so now that they have Lydia they're pretty happy about that. Sure, she's not technically their kid, but they've become her parents.

Lydia's pretty happy about that. She's worked through her depression and she finally is gaining positive attention from those around her, but if she tries telling anyone about how she lives with ghosts, they just brush it off because she's kinda always been emo gothic. It's a nice vibe on her.

In short, she remains ostracized by the community, but that's nothing new for her. She grows old in the house with the Maitlands, and stays with them in her ghost afterlife.

For the Deetzs, they never recover from the business deals they couldn't land with investors. It's not like they don't financially recover, but it's more a mental thing. Charles and Delia sorta kinda lose it and end up moving away from the Maitland house, but they leave Lydia there because she's in good hands with the ghosts.

Charles and Delia end up all over the country, trying to chase opportunities that just aren't there for them. They've honestly lost it. Not that they weren't crazy already. I mean, did you see what they did to that beautiful house? And have you seen Delia's art? She's messed up.

They probably end up homeless on the streets of a city at one point. Not sure. They're kind of hard to think of an ending for.

Beetlejuice! His turn!

I hate that bio-exorcist so much. Yeah, he's got a cool vibe, but he's such a creep! Looking up people's skirts any chance he gets, making crude gestures, he's just an awful person. And he tried to marry Lydia. Which is pedophilia.

Is this a Disney movie? I guess it's not. Strange. Disney's pretty good at putting pedophilia in movies.

Anygays, Beetlejuice deserved a much worse ending than waiting in line for centuries and having his head shrunk by a witch doctor next to him. He deserved death by never ending flames that only barely kept him alive.

Honestly, why did they have to solidify his ending? That just sucks. I wanted to torture that creep. I want the record to show he should've burned in hell.

Does this count as a happy ending for everyone?

Happy Halloween! I get to be a witch tonight and I'm so happy! Remember to stay safe if you're celebrating!