Happy Never After

Despicable Me

To whomever requested this forever ago, I am so sorry it took so long

ᴉɥ

Lee Donghyuck

Time will always be garbage

YangYang says hi again

I would first like to point out (wow that sounded formal) that it has been years since I have watched this movie. So I did the only reasonable thing to do. I watched it illegally on YouTube.

Except the only full movie I could find was of Despicable Me 2 (it took me 30 minutes to realize something was up), and that wasn't very helpful. So I had to watch the whole movie in clips someone arranged in a playlist. I don't think half of them matched up, and I don't think it even added up to an hour, but I think I have all I need.

Probably.

Oh shoot I just confessed to watching a movie illegally in an essay my teacher is going to read. Shoot shoot shoot why is this in pen?!

You know what? This is fine. It's all fine. (Is this what it feels like to accidentally reveal a master plan before it's done?)

Anygays, Despicable Me. This is a very soft movie. It 100% melted me like ice cream on a hot day.

I mean, Gru just adopted 3 girls (who have amazing names. Whoever came up with Agnes, Edith and Margo deserve a raise. Do people still get paid for this movie? Did I just take away from that raise?!), was going to be the world's worst villain but ended up becoming the world's best dad, wrote a bedtime puppet story for them, AND arranged a whole dance recital when he couldn't make it to the first one!

The character development is just *chef's kiss*

Oh yeah, in case you don't know the movie, Gru (evil scientist person) plans to steal the moon using a shrink ray. Vector (Victor?) also needs the shrink ray, so the whole movie is kind of just them going back and forth with each other over it.

Gru adopts 3 girls so he has a way to get into Vector's house (he bought cookies from them earlier), and the girls just kind of stick around. I think. Again, I missed a lot of the movie.

But yeah, things happen with the shrink ray and they discover things don't stay small, so the moon doesn't get stolen. I do like the clips they arranged of what would happen without the moon, though. That was cool.

Do I actually have to talk about what I think would happen afterwards? Can I just rant about how cute it was? Because that was adorable.

Now I have ideas so I guess we're doing this.

Let's start with Gru. This is 100% ignoring the other movies that came after this, just like everything else I do.

So Gru becomes an independent engineer. He decides he'd rather be a better role model for the girls, so instead of inventing weapons for his evil agenda, he works with Dr. Nefario and the two of them do a lot with the minions. He does a lot for environmental conservation efforts and gets involved with the school board because he wants to make sure the girls get the best education they can.

He's just a big softie.

Margo (the oldest of the girls) becomes a social worker and takes over the orphanage she came from. When she's not taking care of the girls there, she's helping with funding events for other orphanages in the country, helping with school events, and spending time with her family.

She's a busy bee. She also adopted two of the girls from the orphanage because she could and she knew they weren't going to find a home because they were older.

Edith, our hat wearing middle child, becomes Gru's partner in crime. Edith is also agender and teaches the kids at Margo's orphanage about a lot of lgbtq+ things. But mainly they are the more developmental side of Gru's inventions when Dr. Nefario retires.

Together they do a lot of good work, and on the slight occasion, Edith will try to convince Gru to be a villain again because they think it would be cool. I mean, who wouldn't love a world class villain for a dad?

And then there's Agnes. Normally I hate the name Agnes with my entire being, but it fits her? It's actually kind of cute? I don't know, but she makes it work.

Agnes does a ton of things after high school, though. She has a punk phase and a goth phase, along with an Instagrammer phase (*cough* Doyoung *cough cough*). She tries out basically every profession you can do without a college education. Which is a lot. She does a lot.

But yet at the same time she's mainly at Gru's house playing with the minions. No one knows how she has time for what she does. Kind of like Margo.

When she turns 35 she decides to work at the butterfly exhibit at a zoo, and she very happily does that for the rest of her career. Now that she knows that butterfly cocoons are not Cheetos.

As for the minions... they're minions. I don't know what more you want me to say.