"its like I'm drowning but i cant stop breathing"
seventeen year old Elliana Browden is starting junior year with her bestfriend, she is not a nerd but she isn't popular. She is known as the positive, funny and caring friend but on the inside her p...
"ella are you sure you want to go to school you look so tired?" my mom asks as I come down for breakfast on this Monday morning
"I'm fine mom seriously" I lie to her
Truth is I haven't told my mom anything and I got no sleep last night because I was up thinking all night and I just need some more time or space to think and I think he does too.
"okay well I love you, have a wonderful day" she says kissing my temple
"bye!" I say as I walk outside and get into Mayas car since she's driving me today
"good morning nasty!" she smiles at me
"morning" I say
"what's up, your so...dry?" she asks
"just didn't get much sleep last night" I tell her as she backs out
"it's chase again isn't it?" she asks, and I just stay silent and look out the window
She mumbles something under her breath before saying "I'm not going to push it but if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears for you ella" she says, and I look over at her and smile
"thank you" I whisper, and she smiles in response
****
"I'm just going to go to the bathroom" I tell maya when we almost enter the lunchroom
"okay" she says as she walks in and I walk to the bathroom then go into the big stall and slide down and run my fingers through my hair
I haven't seen chase at school today, but I know he's here and I don't want to risk him seeing me or me seeing him because after what he wrote I don't even know if he wants to see me
I dont know what to do about It I mean yes I love him but am I in love with him?
I mean I do like the way he opens up sometimes or when you almost get to crack a smile from him or even when he finds another way to break me, we spend time together and I know that sounds so bad
I just can't get enough of that
But I need at least a week maybe before I can talk to him myself, if he said I can give him space maybe I will just to see where that leads me, and maybe if I choose to forgive him and he changes we start our friendship over?
I have no idea!
When I hear the bell ring I get up and look in the mirror to fix my hair before walking out
When I walk out there's only a couple of people in the hallway, but I turn, and I stop breathing when I see chase
He doesn't look anything like himself, he's talking to Bryce at Bryce's locker while rubbing his neck and I look up at his eyes, even though they don't meet my gaze and see them bloodshot almost like mine, has he been crying? No maybe he just didn't get any sleep because he was thinking too
I turn around and start walking that way with my head down just so he doesn't see me or catch my gaze but then I realize I'm walking on the total opposite side of my locker.
Great day today
***
"ella!" I hear while feeling something sharp poke into me
"ow!" I say opening my eyes to see maya standing next to me with a pencil
"what was that for" I wine
"you fell asleep come on we need to get you home" she says
"fine" I say getting up and grabbing my bad before walking out of the class and school with him
I didn't see chase in the hallway which is a good sign I guess but his car is in the parking lot so he must still be in his car
When I get into Mayas car and she starts driving she breaks the silence
"did you hear what happened at lunch?" maya smiles
"no what?" I ask getting interested
"someone punched chase" she says
"who?" I ask
"I don't know but I'm sure it will be out soon or something.." she says and I crack a laugh while my eyes drift around and then onto the steering wheel
"you mother fucking hoe" I hit maya in the shoulder
"what!" she says
"look at your knuckles really! You thought it would be a good idea to punch chase out of all the people and for me what why!" I yell
"okay look I'm sorry but he deserved it, I didn't hear an apology or you guys even look at each other today so I don't want him to keep hurting you he needed a little wake call even though were friends"
"I can't believe you did that" I mumble to myself
"I can't believe I did it his face Is like a medal bar jeez" she says, and I laugh
"okay here we are" she says pulling into the driveway
"thank you, for everything" I say before getting out
"I got your back ella" she says "okay now get some sleep you look like a toad"
"hey!" I yell as I close the door and she roll down the window
"love you!!!" she yells as she backs out of the driveway
I just roll my eyes and walk into my house and see that I'm home alone
I throw my bag on the couch and run up the stairs as that uses all of my energy and flop onto my bed until darkness consumes me.
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