"its like I'm drowning but i cant stop breathing"
seventeen year old Elliana Browden is starting junior year with her bestfriend, she is not a nerd but she isn't popular. She is known as the positive, funny and caring friend but on the inside her p...
I'm so tired, its been almost three weeks from today since I've had a regular conversation with chase
I'm broken and hurting
I have no idea why but not being able to talk to him or anything is killing me to pieces and I just want to know how it is for him if he really loves me, even though he doesn't act like it
If he really loved me he would be with me right now and we would be laughing or watching movies
But no this is me and chase, our own story not someone else's
I make my way downstairs after looking in the mirror and feeling somewhat confident
"oh hi, I haven't seen you all morning how you are?" my mom asks as she hands me a plate of her homemade mac and cheese, my favorite.
"I'm okay, you?" I ask
"I'm doing well, what are you doing today?" she asks
"can maya come over?" I ask
"of course, she's welcome when ever you know that" she says
"thank you" I smile as I eat my mac and cheese and pull out my phone to text her
She replies back saying shell leave in five minutes as I finish my food and put the plate in the dishwasher then run upstairs and make my bed before brushing my teeth
When I come back to my room I hear obnoxious pounding on my door
"open up hoe!" I hear as I laugh to myself as I walk up to the door and open it to reveal a very 'innocent' maya
"hi" I say letting her in as she sits on my bed Criss cross
"long time no see" I say, and she laughs
"so, what's up?" she asks
"I don't know.. I think I'm ready" I say sitting down across from her
"you don't have to ella I get it." She tells me and I feel my heart stop from the amount of trust I have in her and how she's holding it off
"I trust you maya, and I've been holding it all bottles up for so long" I say
"okay" she says "so the cabin how was it really"
"I didn't want to go at first you know, but then one I got the first day and up till Saturday night were fun, we went to the shore, laughed watch movies and all. But the treehouse" I start, and I can feel my eyes glossing but I won't break
I wipe my eyes before continuing "I couldn't sleep at night so I got up and I went into our tree house in the backyard because I wanted to before but chase put it off, when I went up I sat their for a couple of minutes before looking around and then I saw the heart of our initials totally ruined like carved over axed out you name it" I let out a breath " and then he came in which I don't know how he found me and I walk broken, I didn't want to look up at him and he didn't give me a reason to or a reason why he did it until I got a letter from him saying why"
"can I see the letter?" she asks
"u-uh yeah, just don't say anything about it okay?" I ask
"I promise ella" she says as I hand her the letter and she read it while I sit there with glossy eyes biting my lip staring at the letter
"ella" she says, and I look up at her
"yeah?" I whisper
"he loves you ella, after everything you've been through since childhood till know he loves you and everything about you can see it, and I even see it in his eyes when he looks at you and forces back his smile, even though everything he has done he's done it out of love and I'm not saying that's okay but if you want or have decided to forgive him he can love you with everything he has." She says as a tear drops from my eye and I bite my lip almost drawing blood
"are you in love with him?" she asks
I stay silent for a minute before whispering "I am"
"there you go, love overcomes everything and I know how broken you are and how un healthy it would be to start a relationship, but I'm not against it at all and I know as your best friend I should see the good for you, but you're in love with him and he's trying to be good for you by the way he see's you"
"I know, I j-just I don't know I want to have a relationship with him but how will I know he won't hurt me again" I say
"if he wants a relationship with you too he will have to fight for it, but ella" she says
"yeah?" I ask
"friends don't look at friends that way" she tells me as a tear escape my eyes.
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