things i'll never say ~ l.l.p.

twelve - changed

"Lily!"

I spun around from where I stood perusing the broom displays in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies, a grin spreading across my face. "Lysa!"

My friend was ducking under people's arms to race towards me, and I laughed as she embraced me. "Merlin, I've missed you."

I sighed. "Me too." I looked her over. "How was your trip? Is that a tan I see?" I raised my eyebrows at her sun-kissed cheeks.

She giggled. "Yeah, I was out on the beach pretty much constantly."

"But, Ly... I thought you weren't fond of the beach?"

Lysa pursed her lips, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Well, yes. I'm not. But my brother, um... sort of dragged me along. Because he wanted to hang around with some girls and didn't really want my parents to know. So I went to the beach to cover for him, and he, um... went with them. To do... whatever."

I bit my lip. Alec. After last year, I had no right to care. No right to wonder what he was doing with all those girls he picked up. I didn't care. He was not my problem, and he was perfectly free to fool around with whomever he wanted. I forced a laugh. "Of course he did."

My friend sighed, staring at the ground. "I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Ever since you... he's just been running wild." I couldn't help wincing at that, and Lysa noticed. "Not that it's your fault, Lil. It's not. It's nobody's but his own."

It was my fault. I knew it, and so did she, no matter what she said. But I nodded silently in agreement, because I really didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Lysa accepted my nod and chattered on, telling me about a restaurant they'd visited in Florida (where they'd been on their vacation). I wasn't really listening. I'd fought to keep my mind off of Alec all summer, but with his twin standing in front of me there was no avoiding it. I found myself flashing back to the day everything went wrong.

"Lily, can I talk to you?"

I glanced up from my book, and found Harper Kraft - Dom's friend, who liked Muggle literature - in front of me. I'd spent enough time with her by this point that I considered her my friend, too. I smiled and closed the book, patting the seat beside me. "Sure. What's up?"

She frowned. "Walk with me?"

Girl code for 'it's something we might not want people to overhear.' I nodded and rose from the sofa, following her towards the exit of the common room, mildly curious. At two years older than me, she'd become almost like an older sister, and I could tell something was on her mind.

Alone in the hallway, I was all ears. "So, what's going on?"

Harper sighed, twirling a strand of dark brown hair around her finger. "I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly. How much do you like Alec?"

I felt a blush creeping up my neck. "I... um... well. Enough that we're... what we are. You know." My father had set a strict no-dating-before-age-sixteen policy, so, strictly speaking, Alec and I were only friends. But after over two years of being asked out by him on a monthly basis, I had caved and admitted I was interested in being more than friends. So we were sort of, kind of, boyfriend-girlfriend. Ish.

My friend nodded. "I know, but I guess I mean... How deeply do your feelings run? Enough that you would... maybe... kiss him? Or, possibly, more than kiss him?"

I stopped short. "We haven't kissed, Harper. It's not that serious. We're definitely nowhere close to... more-than-kissing. What on earth made you ask?"