all the little lives we created

chapter eight

The next day Harry decided he would stay home from work, after lunch, Harry walked up to Bellas room and knocked on her door. When she opened it and saw who was standing there the smile on her face dropped instantly, Harry tried not to cry at that.

"Bells-" He was interrupted.

"Don't call me that, only nice people can call me that" She told Harry.

"Sorry, Bella, I'm here to apologise." Bella nodded "I'm so sorry love, I shouldn't of yelled at you, I shouldn't have swore at you and I definitely shouldn't have told you that you ruined my life. Because you certainly didn't, you made my life so much better and I love you so much, more than you could ever imagine. I'm so sorry I scared you, please please please Bella, please don't be scared of me, I will never ever hurt you or yell at you again. I feel so bad about what happened yesterday and I understand if you don't forgive me but I needed to apologise."

"Thank you for your apology, but please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you." Bella told Harry before shutting her bedroom door on him.

Harry broke down, he ran back down to his basement and found the only that's been helping him lately, razors. Harry slid down one of the walls crying and he brought the sharp blade to his already cut wrist, he slowly cut into his delicate, soft skin leaving a wound. He did it three more times before finally putting the razor down.

Once he'd cleaned up Harry just cried, his own daughter didn't want to talk to him, and it was all his fault. She had every reason to be scared of him. His life was falling apart, his husband had never been so mad at him, work was way to stressful, the only thing he could do to get rid of the pain for a bit was drink so that's what he did.

...

A few weeks later and Harry was still coming home drunk every night, Louis thought that after he yelled at Bella he would realise his mistakes and sort his shit out, but that didn't happen. At least he hadn't yelled at any of the other kids, Louis wished to be that lucky, Harry was still yelling at him say how bitchy he was and how fat he was getting.

Yeah, that one hurt, Harry still didn't know Louis was pregnant, Louis was too scared to tell him. He had gone to the doctors and he was about a month and a half along, so luckily he wasn't showing yet.

Louis was so done with Harry, when Harry was home he basically lived in his basement, he was ignoring the kids, and the kids had honestly become quite scared of their dad. Louis was torn, he and the kids deserved better and a small part of him wanted to leave Harry, but he also felt bad for Harry, there was quite obviously something going on with him, but every time Louis tried to talk to him about it he just walked away. He also loved Harry so much that he doesn't think he could ever leave him, he is also the father to his four, now five kids and it just wouldn't be fair to them.

Louis just misses the old Harry so much, he was so loving and sweet and he loved his family, Louis was so confused as to why he'd changed so much.

Anyway todays the day that Louis is going to tell Harry about the pregnancy, he's put it off for too long and the longer he waits, the angrier Harry will be when he finds out. Plus its Harry's day off from work so if he reacts badly, the people he works with wont have to pay the price.

So here Louis is standing in front of a sleeping Harry, he's on the basement couch shirtless and Louis thinks he looks cute and peaceful. Well that's until Louis wakes him up.

"Go away" is the first thing Harry mumbles.

"I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"I uh...I'm pregnant" Louis watches as Harrys eyes widen. He's definitely awake now.

"Your what?!" Harry says as he stands up off the couch to face Louis.

"I'm pregnant" Louis almost whispers.

"Is it mine?" Harry asks.

"What the fuck Harry, why the hell would you think I would cheat on you, of course it's yours, you're the only person iv'e ever slept with!"

"Damn it Louis! How could you let this happen!?" Harry yelled.

"It's not just my fault!' Louis yelled back.

"Abort it."

"What? Harry no, I want to keep this baby, I've already gone to a scan and seen it."

"Louis, abort it!"

"You can't tell me what to do with my body!!" Louis yelled.

"If you don't abort it, I'll leave. I'll leave you here all alone to raise your FIVE kids! Ive been wanting to leave you for a while now anyway!"

"Fine Harry, leave then. I wont be manipulated into doing something I don't want to do."

"Alright then, I'll pack my bags and be gone in two hours." Harry told Louis before stomping away to go pack.

Thats when Louis heart completely snapped in half, his eyes filled with tears and he fell to his knees crying.

Two hours later and Harry was gone, Louis has never felt anything more painful in his life, then the pain he felt as he watched Harry's car drive away.

What was he going to do now? He didn't have a job, all he had was a credit card Harry had given him about a year ago. And what was he going to tell the kids?

...

Later that night Harry was sitting in his parked car when he saw something poke out of his bag, he reached for it and saw it was a piece of paper, he unfolded it and that's when he realised, Louis had written him a letter.

To my dearest Hazza,

You just told me that you're going to leave us, I'm crying right now. I hate you so much, how could you do this to me, to us. We are your family and you're just going to leave? You have kids, five of them and you are really going to leave them without their dad? You're selfish, that's what you are, selfish. I hope you know how much this hurts me, how much this hurts your children. I don't understand why you are leaving me alone to raise five kids, I can't do it alone Harry, I need you.

I know you said that you've been wanting to leave for a while, Harry I can't even begin to describe the physical pain I felt in my chest the moment I heard you say those words. You've completely broken my heart. I'm sorry that you fell out of love with me and I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you.

But god do I love you, you may not love me anymore, but holy shit do I love you. I would do anything and everything for you Harry, even though you've been a complete asshole for the last few months, you still mean the world to me, you're my everything. I truly don't know how I'm going to cope when you leave.

I will always love and appreciate you my darling, we've best friends since we were five, we grew up together and we started a family together. Thank you for blessing me with five beautiful angels, and just, thank you for everything you've ever done for me.

The only thing I ask of you is to come back for your kids, you can divorce me, you don't have to be with me but please come back, your kids needs you.

Im going to miss you Harry,

- Louis xxx

By the end of the letter, Harry was crying, his brain was such a mess and he didn't know what to do. Yes he still loved Louis and yes he wanted to go back to his family, but he'd treated them like shit, he didn't deserve them, they would be better off without him.

...

8th november 2020

don't know how I feel about this, oh well.

- author