sympathy

Chapter Seventeen

The truth is, George, that you weren't like any other guy. You were different.

        You know my past for the most part. You were the one person who made me forget about all of it. You were the person who brought one note in my life up a tiny bit and turned the minor melodies into a finishing major chord. You changed my life.

        When we first started making videos that got popular, you were always confused on why people had a thing for you the most. I could see it from a mile away. Your smile is contagious and could bring light into the darkest room. There is an amazing beauty to you that you have never been able to see. I wanted to help you see it. 

        Isn't it ironic, in a way? We would always joke about dating because the fans would go crazy, and now.. Overtime I guess we, or at least I, fell in love. Us messing around and saying we want to kiss or that we love each other turned into a real thing. I know, because you said you loved me in your letter. Thank you for reaching out, by the way. It helped me a lot. I know the other part too, because we both know there were moments out there, where if we weren't in the situation where I saved you, we would have kissed.

        My intentions were never to get you to love me, for the record. I took you there in hopes that you would learn to love the nature out there. I wanted you to learn to love yourself like I had.

        If you wouldn't have pulled away, I would have. I didn't want you to love me like that. We both know it was only because you were lonely and found me attractive somehow. 

        I did want you, though. I did love you. I always did. I still do. I always will.

        I get released in a few days. It's been eight years. Eight years since I've seen that smile. Eight years since I've heard your voice. I miss you. 

        I think about you often, and what you said in court. You told them I kidnapped you and how I cared for you. You made me seem like a bipolar monster, which in my case helped lower the sentence somehow.

        I thought about things I could ask you in this letter, but I came up with nothing. I am at a loss for words, unlike how you were. This letter seems impossible for me to write. I guess I could ask you simple things.

        Is it already dark where you are? It's dark here. I don't know why that matters. It reminds me of that night we watched the sunset and stars. There are so many stars in the sky right now. They always seem to amaze me. I only thought this amount could be visible in the desert. It seems to be limitless without boundaries. You have a strange resemblance to the sky in a way. You amaze me just like this sky. You are beautiful and my feelings for you are limitless. I only want the best for you. 

        I lied to you about your suicide attempt. I knew it wasn't a side effect because of the drugs. I just didn't want to believe that I caused you so much pain that you'd rather- yeah. I still think I saved you from the lies of the city.

        George, you dated people before. Every single one of them used you for your platform and left when you didn't share it. Truth is, I was always jealous. You would tell me about your relationships, and I would try to change the topic. 

        Can I ask you something though? A hypothetical question, actually. If we were just two guys who didn't have social media platforms, and the entire situation never happened, would you want this? Would you have wanted something with me?

        Would you had loved me?

        It's weird, George. The thing that truly brought us together after all those years was a traumatic event that I put you through. How does that work? I guess it just helps prove the messed up society that we all live in needs to change.

        We fall in love with the people who have changed us.

        The people who have showed us kindness and care.

        Even if they have hurt us the most.

Total Word Count: 746