The one he never claimed. (Complete)

19.

"Surprise!!!"

They all shout in unison as I duck in terror. Are they trying to give me a heart attack?

I absolutely hate surprises and I'd been sure to remind Mary this multiple times but clearly I wasn't clear enough. A part of me knew they were going to do this but that doesn't take my shock away. It also doesn't surprise me that Mary went on and did this anyway despite my not wanting her to. She's the same person who promised to not make a big deal of my leaving but went on to buy me a bunch of gifts and gave me a farewell speech this morning.

I'd learned that her husband at least had the courtesy of leaving her with a lot of money, despite her not wanting to return to her old life. She says that there's no life for her out there without her husband, that was one of the saddest things I'd ever heard. And it's admittedly been a part of the reason behind my choice to let Ezra go. I certainly don't want to end up that broken. I love her but I don't want to end up like her at all. She's paying the hospital a lot of money to keep her there. She says that if they force her to leave then she'll just commit suicide again, and this time she won't fail.

This makes her sound very ungracious but she's one of the sweetest people that I've ever met in my life. She's a giver and her husband didn't deserve her to start with.

So she's the first person I hug as soon as the shock leaves my body.

"I'm gonna miss you so much." I really am. I wouldn't have chosen anyone else to go on this journey with. She's given up on herself but she's pushed me to not do the same. She gave up her whole life for a man and she's never stopped reminding me to never make that mistake.

"You guys!" I then turn around to say to everyone else after my long and warm embrace with Mary.

Their exhilarated faces are contagious. I'm still annoyed at the surprise but I'm also touched.

I really hate this part, I hate goodbyes.

"You're crazy if you thought we weren't going to do this." I hear Mary's voice sing as I now hug everyone else, making me smile wider with now tears slowly sliding down my cheeks.

The past couple of months have certainly been eventful. It's weird to say but I think I needed to go through what I did to have a fresh start and to recharge. I needed to fall in order to rise again.

I've been in the psychiatric hospital for a total of three months now. I've done therapy and all types of things that ultimately helped me overcome my inner demons. Maybe not completely but I'm working on it, slowly but surely.

My mother's death broke me, so much so that I drowned it all out. I couldn't deal with it so I just ignored the pain. And when Ezra came into my life, I welcomed the distraction. I stopped mourning my mother and instead welcomed the excitement that came with having him there. He was my perfect little secret that turned into something more. I fell in love with him, hard. To the point where I stopped loving myself. I'd gotten used to drowning my pain from the death of my mother that I just continued doing that when Ezra started hurting me.

I was a mess.

But now three months later, I'm happy to say that I'm a much better version of myself. I still love Ezra, I'll never stop. But I don't know if I'm still IN love with him. I realize that love shouldn't hurt like that. He should've never let me get so lost because of his actions if he really loved me like he said he did.

"I just want to say thank you. To each and every one of you." I start to say after the excitement of the surprise dials down a bit.

"You all had a part to play in my journey of healing." It was chaotic mostly but I think the chaos was an important part of it.