The one he never claimed. (Complete)

22.

The wind blows softly against my skin as I take another long breath with my eyes closed this time. Orange leaves scatter the ground and they seem to also be affected by the autumn breeze.

I look around the place that used to bring me so much calm and serenity with deep sorrow.

"Why here?" I ignore the slight break in my voice. The last thing I want is for him to think he has any effect on me.

"I thought being here would make this conversation a lot easier." If there was ever the hardest place to have this conversation, it's here.

"It makes no difference to me." I lie. It makes all the difference. I'm battling with keeping it together, this place holds so many memories and I feel suffocated by them.

"How are you doing Alex?" He asks seemingly curious. His eyes hold a depth in them I haven't seen in a while. I know he's asking because of what his fans have put me through.

It's been a lot. I have no privacy, I've had to delete all my social media because of the constant bullying on my accounts and now they're starting to attack the people closest to me.

I also know he's seen the many videos that have been making their rounds on the internet. The videos of me making a scene at a graveyard. I know why he would think I'm not ok.

But,

"Never been better." That's technically not a lie. Emotionally I'm the kind of stable I'd never known before, at least that's what I thought before coming here. But I'm certainly far from where I was before.

"Remember when we used to hide here?" He asks letting his eyes wander around our surroundings. It was the green, the serenity that came with being surrounded by trees and loud breezes that made us fall in love with this place. But our connection brought it to a whole other level and that was what made this place so magical for us.

That is why it's a little hard to breathe right now.

He knows I remember. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Whenever we felt like it, we'd skip some of our Saturday classes to just sit under the tree of our secret spot to be away from the world. It was also the same spot we shared our first kiss, and where we used to talk about everything.

So I know his question is rhetorical. He did this on purpose, he knew what coming here would do to me.

So,

"Vaguely," I answer him. I hope my expression on the outside doesn't match my trembling insides.

"Look, Alex, I never meant for any of this to happen." Even though I'm mad at him for all that I'm experiencing, I know it's not much his fault.

All he did was write a memoir about his life, and well - people had their own versions of how it all went down despite it being very clear that he was the one who ruined us.

But despite my understanding, I can't help but,

"Why did you put me in there?"

He could've chosen to write about all the good things in his life and the parts that don't portray him as a liar and a cheater.

"Alex, what I did to you. I - you were a big part of my story and how I ended up where I am. I couldn't not put you in my autobiography. I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for you." He finishes.

"And Liz?"

I ask before I'm able to stop myself. This is because of what I went through in relation to that. Of all the pain he'd put me through, nothing compared to the pain of finding out he slept with the one person he knew held a piece of my heart.