The one he never claimed. (Complete)

20.

"Ezra Michael's mystery woman..."

*Changes channel*

"He was caught kissing someone at a hosp..."

*Changes channel*

"Nobody knows who she is but that didn't stop him from..."

*Changes channel*

"On today's news of the rich and famous. Ezra Michaels..."

I decide to switch off the TV. I can't seem to catch a break. It's been a week now, how is this still 'news'? Just the other day dad had to get paparazzi off our lawn by hose piping them. They follow me to school and back, they just won't leave me alone. Neither will Ezra.

I coincidentally hang up another call from him as his name crosses my mind.

It's not fair that he's doing this to me and I wasn't shy to tell him that. Furthermore, he's not making any effort to kill off the speculations despite my asking him to. He's instead fueling them by being annoyingly vague.

He responds by saying, 'we need our privacy right now' and 'we're not ready to say anything yet' every time he's asked about me, and that makes me mad because there's certainly no privacy that we need together nor is there anything we need to get ready to say. As far as I'm concerned, he's dead to me.

But obviously the vagueness fuels their curiosities as opposed to killing them off. I guess he's doing it on purpose, probably as a way to get me back but that's never going to happen. This is beyond just everything he's done to me. I loved this man so much that I let my happiness go because of him. I loved him so much that I tried to kill myself. So it's no secret that I'm toxic when I'm with him.

I've also just gotten back from a mental institute and the last thing I need right now is the world looking at my every move. I've somehow gone from one of the least popular students on campus to the most talked about in the state. Wherever I look, someone is looking back at me and I'm over it. I never thought I'd ever say this but I want to be unnoticed again.

After our infamous and highly televised kiss at my farewell party, I'd walked out. Out of the hall and out of the hospital without a single gaze at the crowd that stood staring at the whole scene unfold. Yes I kissed him back, but that was because my lips were reacting to the familiar taste of his. For years he was the only man my heart and my body craved. He was the only one I made love to and the only one who occupied my heart. So of course it was going to be hard for me to not reciprocate his kiss.

We'd kissed for what felt like forever before my logic finally returned to me, that was of course only after everyone had taken videos of our steamy session on the balcony. He'd held on to my hips like I would fly away if he let go. For a few minutes I'd felt at home in his arms, it felt like back in the day when everything was great with us. Before the harsh reality crashed into me, those days were long gone.

He was no longer the man that I'd known and loved for years. He was the man that brought me so much pain despite him claiming to love me, he was the man who embarrassed me in front of my peers. He was the man who cheated on me with my best friend. Of all the hurt that I'd endured throughout the past couple of months, that one was by far the heaviest. He of all people knew my relationship with Liz, so hearing what they'd done was a huge punch to the gut. Did he care about me at all?

After running out of the hospital, I'd gone to the one person I knew would be able to make me feel better. The person whom I promised to start being completely honest with no matter what, my best friend.

I'd cried into her arms hysterically as she tried to calm me down once I'd gotten to her house. I couldn't understand why he would do that to me. It was unfair.

Why would he make me go through months and months of absolute misery, only to then turn around and kiss me like he was not the same person who rejected me continuously? He acted like our biggest problem wasn't that I was his secret, like everything that happened wasn't as a result of that and it made me sick. Did he think that would change everything? Did he think such a simple act would take all the pain he's put me through away?

"Why would he do that?" I'd asked repeatedly as I continued balling my eyes out on her shoulder. "Does he not get it?" I couldn't decipher how he logics. What is wrong with men?

"I'm so sorry." She'd continued to say softly to me.

We'd then laid on the fancy couch of the beautiful home she grew up in. We weren't saying anything to each other but her presence provided a fulfilling comfort that I'd so desperately needed.

I'd felt so content with knowing I didn't have to hide anything from her anymore. I didn't have to lie. I could rely on her in a way I hadn't been able to before.

"I don't deserve you." I'd then heard myself say to her. She'd been such a supportive friend and I've hardly been the same to her. I'd wondered why she still kept me around, she really didn't need to. She'd had too many people who'd given anything to be in her presence, let alone be her best friend. So she could've just dropped me, but she didn't. She'd kept me around and she'd been there for me for anything and everything.

Of course all that was what I'd thought at the time. I had no clue of what she'd done. That was why I'd been surprised when she responded saying,

"No Alex, I don't deserve you."

Her voice carried a shame in it and I couldn't understand why. I mean I knew why I didn't think I deserved her but why did she? She'd been nothing but an understanding and patient friend throughout my life.

Even though my mind was racing with what she'd said, I'd figured it didn't really mean much. Maybe she was just referring to how she didn't know what I was going through. I'd figured she was still blaming herself for my attempt. If I'm being honest I would've too. When someone close to you commits suicide you can't help but wonder if there was anything you could've done to stop it. You hate yourself for not realizing what the person was going through sooner. It messes with you. So that's what I'd figured, that she was still grasping everything.

But the next words that came out of her mouth had me wishing that was the case. My heart beat really fast when I heard my best friend in this whole world say,

"I slept with Ezra."

I felt my world collapse.

Why did my life have to be that chaotic? Will I ever catch a break? What did I ever do to deserve such misery?

"What?" I'd said but it came out as a whisper. I had to have been dreaming.

I'd looked at my best friend who now had a lone tear making its way out of her eye.

"Alex, there's nothing I could ever say that'll make that better. But I want you to know that it was way before I knew about you two. It was the reason I was so distant. I couldn't live with myself, I can't live with myself."

She didn't have to tell me she was sorry, I could see it right through her eyes. The dark circles surrounding her eyes also told me that she'd had sleepless nights about it.

But why did that not make it hurt less? Why could I not look at her in her eyes?

I knew she didn't know about Ezra and I, and if she did she wouldn't have done what she did. But my brain couldn't at all convince my heart, so I'd then just stood up and walked out of her house with tears streaming down my face.