The First Princess

15

Asher had a one track mind as soon as he saw the house. I don't think he actually looked at anything other than me as we went to our room. I love this man.

I snuggle with my mate. He is fast asleep. We are both worn out from completing our bond. Using his chest as a pillow is my new definition of bliss. Slowly I drift off to sleep.

Moving pillows make for uneasy sleep. I sit up quickly as Asher thrashes around in bed.

"No!" He yells as he fights the air. What he is trying to attack is beyond me but if he continues like this he is going to hurt himself.

"Ash." I whisper trying to calm him placing a hand on his chest but he doesn't respond.

I start to get glimpses of his nightmare through our bond. People are circling him attacking him. Ghosts.

"Asher!" I yell grabbing his arm. The soft approach obviously isn't working. Please wake up mate. I can't stand seeing him like this. I try to hold him as he swings at me.

"No!" He yells grabbing my throat and pushing me away. I fall off the bed but quickly jump back up to my panicked sleeping mate.

"Ash please!" I beg him as I try to grab hold of him again.

"No! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't know!" He yells or more like pleads. He fights my hold as I do my best to pin him down.

"Asher! It's me Emily. Wake up for me, please!" I beg hoping that hearing my name will break through his dream state. He begins to calm down.

"Hu? E... Emily. Wha... what?" He stammers as he slowly opens his eyes coming into consciousness.

"It was just a dream, Ash. It's over now. You're okay." I coo doing all I can to calm his frantic mind.

"No I'm not! I told you I'm not! I'll never be okay!" He sobs burying his face into his hands. My poor mate! He needs to realize I'm here for the long haul.

"Look at me, Asher." I demand. It takes him a moment but slowly he drops his hands and turns to look at me. He scans my face and neck before panicking. He slowly reaches out for me.

"No!" He gasps running his fingers along my face and neck. I can tell that I am bruised from fighting him. Even in his sleep my mate is strong. "Did I? I did! I hurt you! Oh my... why do you want a man that hurts you! I can't believe I did this."

"You were having a nightmare. It wasn't your fault!" I tell him not wanting to give him a second to blame himself.

"Stop making excuses for me, Emily! I'm no good! Why can't you see that! You want to know what I dreamed?! I dreamed about killing innocent pups! I can't even count how many I've killed! And you say I'll be okay and it's not my fault! It is my fault, Emily!" He yells. Knowing the soft approach won't help him I change gears.

"Then change." I state flatly. He looks shocked by this answer and stops ranting. He won't accept it isn't his fault so let's try something different.

"What?" He asks. His eyes are wide and jaw is slightly dropped. He really wasn't expecting my change in tactics.

"You say you're not a good man? Then change. You say it's your fault? Fix it. You blame yourself. I get it. Go out there and be a part of the solution. Train our people. Be a leader. Be the man you want to be not the man the hunters made you. You want to blame yourself? Fine! But make some good of it don't sit here whining about the past. You can't change it." I rant. Before he can respond I jump out of bed and wrap a robe around my naked body. I figure it's best to give him time to process.  "Get a shower I'm making breakfast." I tell him as I leave the room.

"She's right." I listen into his thoughts as his wolf speaks. I guess he was to stunned to block me out.

"I know." I hear Ash respond as I reach the kitchen. "I just don't know if I can be the man she wants me to be." Bull crap boy! No way I'm letting him beat on himself. Not any more.

"You already are." I link him and it's TRUE. Asher is my mate he is amazing and strong. A good man if he would only embrace that. He may be damaged but that's nothing some love can't fix and I love him.

I start making our food. Asher blocked his thoughts but I can feel that he is considerably less angry. It's a start at least. Maybe eventually he will forgive himself.