I was at the hospital by 9am, Doctor Minty had taken me through the procedure of the surgery.
"So I'll just run a few tests and you'd be good to go" she said smiling.
I've known her for 20 years and her smile was still as beautiful as the first time she said to me "Alex you're going to be fine okay?"
"Do you want me to call anyone for you, maybe your Mom, Alex or Ah Ma?" She asked
"No" I said adjusting my tube
"Okay" she said and walked out room
I was scared but at the same time I didnt want to bother anyone.
I laid in the hospital gown on the bed looking at the ceiling.
Then I think its time to unlearn certain things
I remembered Lisa's words
I sat up and placed a call to Astrid. She picked on the first ring.
"Hey" I said as soon as she picked
"Hi" She said
"Wait are you okay?" She asked
"Yeah I am, I'm getting a lung transplant" I said
"Whoah......Thats great news, are you at Minty's?, do you need me to come?" She asked
"Yeah but before, I have a question" I said
"Why did you reject me?" I asked
"Astrid are you there?" I asked as there was a long silence
"Yeah" she replied
"Yeah what?" I asked
"Yeah I'm here" she said
"Was I the wrong man?" I asked
"No, No, you are the right man for anyone" she affrimed
"It was me not you, we were young and it just didn't feel right" she explained
"That doesn't make sense" I retorted
"Make it make sense Astrid" I said
"Why does it matter now?, we both moved on" she said
"It matters to me" I replied
"Is it because I'm sick?" I asked. I knew that wasn't it but it wouldn't hurt to ask
"No, why would you say that?" She asked
"Make me understand then, I'm confused" I pleaded
"Remember that night Linc and I went to Vegas for an outdoor shoot?" She asked
"Yeah" I replied listening carefully
"That night when he and I were together after dinner on the couch watching a movie, he made advances and he tried kiss me, but I rejected him" she said and I heaved a sigh
"I didn't reject him because I didn't love him, I rejected him because I thought about you, what you would feel, what you would think of me, what you'd say when you found out " She replied
"So why did you reject me if you cared what I thought about it? Make me understand" I asked
"I was young, I didn't know what I wanted, who I wanted or what to do, and honestly he has been nothing but good" she explained
" Later on I thought about it, rejecting him despite knowing how I felt about him meant I'd be doing it for you but that night I decided to think about me, so I did the next right thing, I kissed him and let him in" she continued
"I wanted a man I was love with, a man-" she was about to continue
"A man who was not sick. You didnt even know you loved him. " I replied
"Goodness, why are you insecure about it suddenly, it never mattered if you were sick or not because I saw you not your sickness. Also, you can't even see how selfish you sound right now, have you thought of the pain I went through all by myself alone in Maldives because I got pregnant from that night my parents wouldn't even let me stay in Singapore?." She explained
"I wasn't sure I loved him but after I had our daughter-" she Continued
"Wait let me understand this, you have an entire human being, a child and you didnt think to tell me Astrid, how selfish is that?" I asked
"I couldnt speak to anyone my parents, they didn't let me" she replied
"Was he there?" I asked
"He came after she was born. It was first time she stopped crying, so I let him stay"
"Astrid we have had several encounters after your 'supposed Staycation' at Paris" I said
"I couldn't bring myself to say it because she died 10 days later due to complications" She cried
"Astrid" I called
"I'm so sorry" I said
"Dont be she lived the best 10 days of her life with her father"
"What was her name?" I asked
"Bella-Ellis" she replied
"Wow" I sighed
"I couldn't even hold her, I couldn't connect with her, I wasn't lactating, she needed me and I wasn't there. The doctors say its Post partum depression. I say its insensitivity" she cried
"Tell me what sort of mother am I?" She questioned
"One with so much love in her heart" I replied. Now I regret asking the questions.
"Love? I couldn't even give my child love when she needed me" She cried
"Astrid this is a lot, why didn't you talk about it?" I asked
"I dont talk about her to anyone, I want her in my heart, she was in pain in those 10 days, I want to share in her pain. I want her to know I didnt neglect her. Talking about it means trying to forget her, I want her in my heart always." She said
"I don't talk about her anymore. I can still see her first smile vividly in my head when Linc held her" she said again
"I couldn't even make her smile once " she continued
"Speaking of your love life" she tried to change the subject of discussion
"That doesn't matter right now" I said
"After I suggested Alex, I tried to talk you out of it but you wouldn't listen" she continued
"You clearly said you found love" she said
"I thought I did" I sighed
"I honestly thought I found it with Alex but I don't know I don't think I've found it yet" I explained
"You should have atleast told me first" I heard a familiar voice say from behind me
YOU ARE READING
UNTIL THEN
General FictionAs much as Alexander Yang wanted to care so much about the things that mattered to him, he had just a little time.
