Blooming (Jeggy, Modern College AU)

Chapter 18

Thanks Nala_13  for the sweet comments on this story! They're always so cute and it means the world to me!

TW: depressing thoughts and self harm. I'll put a '***' before and after the self harm starts so you can read without it
If you ever need to talk, please do, this is serious and I'm always open :)

All the italics are Peggy's thoughts

Third person POV

"Shit" Peggy muttered as her test had been handed back to her. She failed, again.

"It's alright Pegs, everyone bombs a test sometimes" Samuel tried to reassure her.

"Yeah and that wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't already failing this class" Peggy groaned. She wasn't doing too hot in school right now and if she wanted to graduate anytime in the next 20 years, she needed to start passing some classes. She sighed. "It's alright... I'll... I'll figure something out"

Samuel glanced at his friend sadly. He was naturally smart, he never had to worry about that. He knew Peggy that was struggling with a lot of things right now, and the added stress of failing classes wasn't helping. But he had no idea what to do.

Peggy slammed her head into the desk. "God, I suck" she said, although it was so muffled that only she could hear it.

"That's all for today" Their professor, Professor Bradley, announced.

"Are you up for coffee?" Samuel asked. Sometimes after she failed a test coffee made her feel better, and sometimes she wanted to lock herself in her dorm room with Maria to watch random movies.

"Margarita, may I talk to you?" Mrs. Bradley asked.

Peggy nodded and looked at Samuel. "I'll see ya later"

Once everyone left Peggy walked up to Mrs. Bradley's desk, awaiting her doom.

"Margarita-" Professor Bradley started.

Peggy cut her off. "Call me Peggy please"

"Alright, well, Peggy your grades for my class are not great and the semester ends sooner than you might think."

"I'm trying really hard Professor Bradley, I am" Peggy cried, begging for her to let her loose.

"I know you are, but you're failing my class right now. Look, if you fail the next test, we'll look into something but for right now just keep in mind that you need to start passing this class."

Peggy nodded sheepishly.

"That's all, thank you"

"Thanks"

—————————————————

Peggy stopped in front of Eliza's dorm. Apparently Eliza, Theodosia, and Angelica were waiting inside for her. The door was cracked. She was about to head in when she heard Eliza's voice.

"I mean I love Peggy, but...."

What are they talking about?

Peggy stood in a stop where she was positive that they couldn't see her. Yeah, it was bad to eavesdrop, but they were talking about her so she has the right to know.

"She's failing most of her classes right now, she doesn't ever seem to know what she's doing, I love her but she has to get her life together." Angelica said.

Angie? Why is she saying that?

"She's no doing much with her life but school, and it seems that she can't even do that"

"She's not going to go anywhere when all she does in skip through it"

"She has to learn to do something meaningful, she hasn't done that for 9 years"

Something meaningful? How am I supposed to do anything when it's always wrong? Besides there were a lot of things that I've done that you two don't know about because you don't care enough to find out.

"She's just... not... I don't know... not doing anything I guess. She's failing but I've never seen her try to fix that"

Peggy's eyes misted. She couldn't believe it. Her older sisters, who she looked up to more than anyone, basically called her a piece of shit that doesn't do anything. And everything they said sounded right to a broken mind who was trapped in negativity.

Before Peggy knew what she was doing she found herself running to her dorm room. She threw herself onto her bed and started crying.

Stupid idiot, why are you crying? It's your fault. You're the reason your sisters hate you, you're the reason you're failing, you're the reason you don't accomplish anything.

'Everyone bombs a test sometimes' Angelica hasn't.

'She's not doing anything' Yeah, all I seem to be doing is crying in my own self pity.

'She doesn't seem to know what she's doing' I never know what I'm doing

'She hasn't done something meaningful for 9 years' my own family doesn't think I do anything right or meaningful.

Peggy sat with her thoughts for a few minutes. She set her phone on her bed and walked to the bathroom. She splashed some water onto her face.

Jesus Peggy get a hold of yourself. This never bothered you before.

Yeah but before I had never heard my sisters say it. Now I know it's true.

***
Peggy walked out of the bathroom and to the desk in her dorm. She grabbed a pencil sharpener.

No. I said I would never do this again.

Never say never bitch.

She took a screwdriver and took the blade out of the pencil sharpener. She held it up to her wrist.

This is for being worthless.

One cut.

This us for being stupid.

A second cut.

This is for not doing anything.

A third cut.

This is for being fat.

A fourth cut.

This is for thinking you're lovable.

A fifth cut.

Peggy watched as her wrist bled for a moment.
***

Peggy was so absorbed in what she was doing that she hadn't noticed her phone blowing up, or someone entering her dorm.

"Peggy? Your sisters and Theo sent me. They said if you didn't answer to use Eliza's key so I'm sorry for barging in. Are you o....k?"

Peggy quickly tried to hide all evidence of what she had just done but it was no use. She looked up to see Aaron Burr staring at her in shock.

"Aaron! Look I-" Peggy panicked. Would he tell her sisters? John? Alex? Maria? Sam? Laf? Herc? Theo? All of them?

"Why?" Was all Aaron asked.

Peggy found herself crying again. "I-I... I don't know"

"Let's clean you up"

Hey y'all. Sorry if this chapter isn't great, I wrote it super quickly. Also I haven't done the thing with the trigger warning and the *** before so I hope I did it right. The beginning of this chapter was kinda a vent soooo yeahhhh. That's it and hope you have a good day/night!