Marvelously Mismatched

Never stalk someone on Social Media

There aren't many things that I regret in life because I've never and I mean never made a decision that I would regret. Decision making is not an easy task to accomplish, let me tell you that. But I think you already know. Some people believe in their gut, some people are like, "Jo hoga dekha jayega", it's a famous Indian phrase which means we'll handle the consequences, and some people are just indecisive. Me? I'm none of those, I believe in carefully assessing the situation, then thinking about the consequences of each of my choices and after carefully observing and calculating the risk, I do make a decision.

There was absolutely no need in autopsying my whole decision making ability, but now I'm regretting this whole marriage thing. Why? Because watching my mom so happy on something that will last for a year, getting her hopes up while I'm just cheating and lying to her, it just makes me feel like the worst daughter ever.

She's been calling me non-stop because she's stressed about the wedding scheduled in one month and I definitely don't want her stressed. So I decided to meet her for breakfast, I assured her that we will hire a wedding planner because with the way my work keeps piling up, I don't think I'll be able to do much of the wedding planning.

My mom's so excited that she looks like she's a kid on crack, all the previous tiredness and sadness had suddenly left her, making her the mom I remembered before the illness.
And the sudden pang of guilt, god it's such a bitch. It creeps up on you when you least expect it, like now as my mom tells me about how happy she is that I've finally decided to settle down and that I've found my one true love. She surreptitiously wipes her eyes and walks away, probably to talk to relatives about my impending marriage. My grandma flew in yesterday, it's just been 3 days since I announced my marriage and she's here already. Soon all the relatives will follow and this place would look like a circus. Today was definitely the best time I could meet my parents without the chaos of a whole Indian family.

Now after breakfast, I realise that coming here to meet my parents was a big mistake. Like a huge one.
When I was 17 I dated a jock, Trevor, and no it's not all pretty and sexy and being the most popular girl in the school, fighting the queen bee for your love kinda thing as they show in movies. It's definitely boring because as a jock's girlfriend you have to attend his practice, his games, help him with studies and listen to him babble about pretty stupid jock stuff. He was the one I lost my virginity to and he thought that we were meant to be, and that I was completely in love with him. I'm still not sure what gave him that notion, my angry stares, my bitchy attitude or me totally ignoring him? It took me 6 months to finally get rid of him, and make him understand that no, I wasn't in love with him and that we won't be 'togetha foreva'

Still, it was one of the worst decisions but now I'm totally reconsidering to move that one a little bit lower and this one to the top. Excusing myself, I walk out of my childhood home. I looked towards Ethan's childhood home, he had gone to Miami for his art workshop and wouldn't return for a few more days, and I just wish he was here. Now, a new family has moved in there, his father and his step mom had sold the place a few years ago when Ethan brought his new apartment.

I sit down at the swing, my dad built for me when I was 8 and just think about everything. My job, my life, my best friend and all the shittiest things I've ever done. I look across the street and an old lady mows her lawn, shouting at the kids in her neighbourhood. Maybe that's what I'll be when I grow old, the angry dog or maybe cat lady, who shouts at kids and counts her money in secret, while handling a secret spy mission.

My grandma sat down beside me, and took my hand in hers, breaking the chain of thoughts. She's the only person who understands me, accepts me with all my shortcomings regarding love and marriage.

"Tell me. What is bothering you?" She asked in her thick Indian accent.

"Nani, this is all crazy. I never ever wanted to get married, never wanted that kind of commitment in my life. Now, look at me."