Good Years | Ryan Blaney Book 7

9 | just want you to know who i am

t h e o
m u r p h y

"I can't seem to do anything right anymore apparently." I frustratingly talked to myself as I threw my gloves on the couch. I collapsed on my couch, rethinking that last restart, how I screwed it up once again. I couldn't do anything right on the track these past couple of weeks, I didn't know how much pushing Summer away would affect them but I was suffering the consequences now.

"You okay bud?" Keelan comes in.

"Fine." I huffed. "Just screwed up this race, so yeah, I'm great Keelan." I sarcastically spat out, running a hand through my hair. "Sorry, it's just been a rough couple of weeks."

"We all know you miss her." Keelan crosses his arms, leaning against the wall. "And don't try to deny it."

"I don't get it, how'd she forget everything and move on so quickly?"

"It wasn't quickly Theo, she's been going to therapy and working on herself."

"I'm guessing you guys have been talking?" I asked, hurt.

"Yeah, we have. I talked to her last night, it's not easy for her either. It may seem like she's moved on, but that because it looks like you're moving on. She thinks you hate her."

"I could never hate her. Am I angry? Hell yeah, I am, but I could never in a million years hate her."

"Well, I'll leave you to it, don't be too hard on yourself. I'll see you Monday-" Keelan stops as he opened the door. "Hey Murphy, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?"

"If Summer came and wanted to explain everything, would you listen to her?"

"Yeah, an explanation would be nice." I shrugged. "But I doubt that'll ever happen." I pushed myself off the couch.

"Here's your chance then," Keelan said, disappearing and another figure walking in.

I looked up and see Summer standing there, arms folded across her chest comforting herself, she was nervous and scared. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail, showing off her amazing facial features, dressed in her usual tight leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. Her petite, short figure stood right in front of me, so near that I could reach out and touch her. I missed the sight of her. I still loved her no matter how much I tried to deny it.

"Can we talk?" She asks quietly with ease hinted with a little confidence. "I won't take much of your time, I know you have a flight to get to."

"Yeah." I was all I could say. I sit back down on the couch, Summer sitting on the opposite side facing me.

"You deserve an explanation on why I did certain things, and I'm sorry it took me so long but I didn't know why I did what I did until a few weeks ago." She said, trying to prolong the conversation, I could sense her nervousness and I could relate. I was nervous even with her presence after these past few weeks. "I got the abortion because when I found out that I was pregnant, I also found out that I have the cancer gene and there is a good chance that if I had that child they would get that gene as well. I've seen enough of what cancer can do to somebody. I had to live and witness it firsthand with Peyton. I saw Peyton lose her hair, energy, I saw her getting sick from her chemo treatments, sometimes she was so sick that I didn't know if she would be alive the next day. My parents tried their best to keep me from witnessing those things but- I don't think I could ever watch my own child go through what Peyton did."

I just sat there and listened, I wasn't going to interrupt her. It was rare hearing an apology from Summer, she was the most stubborn, unapologetic person I've ever met, mostly in a good way. It was refreshing finally hearing what she was feeling, she used kept everything bottled up that it was hard to get anything out of her. Most of all this explanation open my mind more, to what was going through her head.

"I'm sorry I wasn't a good wife. You didn't deserve that at all. I'm not trying to get anything out of this from you. I simply just wanted to give you an explanation and communicate better with you. All you ever did was love me and put me first, something I rarely showed or gave you and I'm sorry. I was selfish, I only thought about myself and didn't even think how this would affect you." Summer pauses, taking in a deep, shaky breath. "I will leave you with all this, and um do what you want with it I guess. Bye Theo."

I watched her stand up and leave. I wanted desperately to run after her, hold her in my arms, and told her everything would be alright and that I forgave her, but I couldn't... Not now at least, I needed time to process everything. I was still mad but a little less mad, hearing her talk out her feelings made me realized she was trying... I understood her even more than I did before. I always thought I rushed into the idea of marriage, we did get engaged pretty quickly but that's because I had that gut feeling she was the one, and she still is. I let my anger and impatience and trust issues get the best of me, and that led to rushing to divorce.

n o a h
b l a n e y

As I was walking back from the hauler back toward the motorhome lot, I noticed Summer walking out of Theo's place with Keelan hanging around outside. They talked for a few moments, whispering before Summer took off to her place.

"Hey, Blaney." Keelan waves.

"Hey Harvick, um what happened there?" I motioned between Theo's place and Summer in the distance.

"They, well, Summer talked to Murphy. Theo didn't do any talking-"

"You know I can hear you guys." Theo steps out, swinging his duffel bag over his shoulders. "I let her talk because she doesn't do much talking in the first place."

"True." I shrugged. I hadn't talked to Theo since I found out about the divorce. Picking sides was not an option, I was with my sister no matter what or who's fault it was.

"Ready to go to the plane?" Harvick asks.

"Yeah, let's go," Theo replies.

"See ya'll on in a few weeks." I waved, heading back to my motor home. "Kianna! I'm back." I called out, unzipping my firesuit, letting the top half hang at my hips. "Kianna? Hello?" I walked into the back bedroom. "That's weird." I shrugged, changing out into jeans and a racing shirt. As I began to back everything up, I hear the door slam open and footsteps rushing in.

"NOAH!" A voice yelled.

"Jordyn?" I questioned walking out. "Jordyn, what are you going here?"

"Mom had a fall!" She panicked. Jordyn and I rushed out together over to my parent's motorhome. I barged in, seeing mom on the couch with a wet washcloth pressed firmly against her temple, surrounded by Summer, dad, and Kianna with Briella in the corner holding Fallon.

"Are you okay mom?" I dropped down in front of her.

"Oh, I'm fine. My clumsy self just slipped." She laughed it off. I had gotten pretty good telling when my mother was lying about something, and this she was lying about. "I'm fine baby, I promise. Just a little scratch." She smiled, trying to reassure me but I was anything but reassured. I looked up at dad, he knew something was off too.

"Dad, can I talk to you?"

"Let's go outside son."

"Has mom been acting, I don't know, off lately?" I asked as we got outside.

"I mean, yeah but she always gives a valid excuse so I try not to worry about it."

"When the last time she went to the doctor?"

"I think a couple of weeks ago, it was just a check-up though I believe."

"I've noticed her hands shaking, she's complained recently about having constant headaches, and now this? I feel like something is wrong."

"Don't worry son, I'll talk to her when we get back and keep a close eye on her."