untitled

I told myself for years

I told myself for years
if I could just do this next big thing
pass go and collect the self assurance I craved
I'd be happy for the rest of my life
when I was a little girl
I'd wanted so badly to be a gymnast
when I was in junior high
it was going to my first big party
when I was in high school
it was finally fitting in
and getting into nursing school
when I was in nursing school
I long awaited the day I could stamp RN
on my jacket
it came and went
like an old friend sneaking past you at a party
a quiet wave
and poof
gone
the point is
stop waiting
stop telling yourself that the next milestone is the key to your happiness
your life isn't 2 or 5 or 10 years from now
your life is happening now
I wasted nearly 22 years praying for my next miracle
and despite creating so many for myself
and watching so much beauty unfold around me
I failed to truly appreciate any of it
your life can be snuffed out in an instant
illness can strike at any time
a car wreck
a freak accident
perhaps a hurricane
it doesn't matter
there is so much sorrow in this world
but for every heartache there is beauty
and grace and equilibrium
every death is not forgotten
but new life is all around us
there is so much left to see
you just have to look