untitled

where you are

and how disappointing is it
to watch the idea of someone who you
believed to be the perfect person
slip away
to watch the mask fall to the floor
cold, and unforgiving
children think their parents can do
no wrong
my mom is a superhero
my mom is a queen
my mom is awesome
mugs, tshirts, construction paper cards
all not received
Mother's Day parties
school plays
Soccer games
report cards
I sat alone, the looming eyes of sympathetic teachers never far
I sat alone in my room
flicking the light switch off and on
checking and re-checking outlets
picking my skin until I drew blood
typical ways to pass the time
being 10 years old with two absent parents
and I found it very funny how
you were proud as soon as I was on display
or when I fit the mould you saw fit
when I corrected the mistakes you wish you had of
in your own life
and you say it's mental health
you say it's your career
you say it's my father
but one day, someday
it has to be you
it cannot always be the fault of whatever is handy
someday when I am a mother
I will hold my child and know
that I will do better than this
I will be there
I will cheer you on, sweet child
as I was not
no blood will spill from your skin
no stovetop to be stared at
no locks to be checked
it will be you and I
and peace