shower

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that night in the shower
I thought about a lot of things
I thought of my patient
alone, dying in her bed
I thought of my grandmothers upcoming birthday, she's going to be 77
I thought of my mother and her drinking
my father and his absence
you and your moving on
I thought of everything in the world that hurt
I thought of it so much
I felt blades in my sides
and my stomach did flip-flops
not in the good way
I thought of these things as I shampooed my hair
and washed the blood from my heart down the drain
and once I was through
I got out, toweled off
and said
tomorrow, I will do it all again

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