untitled

brad

I remember being small
my Disney princess suitcase packed
sitting on the steps in front of the house
waiting for a father who did not show up
I vaguely remember a void in my life
that at the time, I did not realize wasn't filled
and then there was brad
I don't remember when he came, but I know that from that point on
there was never a time when he wasn't there remember being taught how to ride a bike
by a man who was not my father in the way that
cells and genetics could make him my father
but in the way that buying me flowers when my boyfriend broke up with me, did

I remember who was there on my first day of primary
and the day I set off for university across the province
Who was there every time I brought home a report card
a fender-bender
or a heartbreak
He was there when the kids up the road were picking on my little brother
when the deck fell off the house in a winter storm
and every time the basement flooded
he taught me to drive
to fish and to swim
he was there every Christmas, birthday and for four high school graduations
He was on the couch
snuggled up with the stinky dog, Ruben
He was there in the kitchen
his arm on my mother's shoulder as she leaned over a pot on the stove
I don't think he ever realized
the void he filled in the lives of my brother and I
he never gave it a second thought
we were all his children
2 biological, 2 not
and I think that made me love him even more
because he wasn't my father because he had to be
it was because he wanted to be
and to all 4 of us kids
he was a great dad
to his mother he was an amazing son
to my mother he was a loving husband
to many of you - a humorous and pleasant friend
and as I look back now
I am absolutely heartbroken by the void that is left in my and in all of our lives
but how lucky am I to have had a second chance at being someone's daughter
How lucky am I to have had him for the time that it took for me to grow from the little girl sitting on the front step to the young woman who stands in front of you now
I am grateful as we all are
to have had him for the years that I did
and I will treasure my memories of Brad for the rest of my life