DRIVING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS // CHRISTMAS CALENDAR 2020

Monday December 7th

Today was the day that we were gonna get our roles for the Christmas show. We were all told to stay at home until lunch break. Each of us would receive an email with the cast. So I sat on Stefan's bed, nervously tapping my fingers against my laptop until a email popped up in my inbox. I gasped, opening the file as quickly as I could.

"What?!" I exclaimed. My eyes widening.

"What?" Stefan asked from beside me. He couldn't care less about which part of PR he got.

"I got both solos!" I said. "Both Here and Christmas Day!"

"Well didn't you expect that?" he asked, rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself up with his elbows.

"No, I expected Caroline to get both of them."

I looked at him, not knowing what to say or do. He smiled at me.

"Your mom would be proud," he said and smiled. It made me calm down. I shut the laptop down and laid next to him.

"Do you think Caroline is angry at me for getting the solos?" I asked.

"Oh she most definitely is," he chuckled. "But she'll get over it. She got the lead for the acting part, right?"

I nodded.

"She did."

"Right, then she has nothing to be jealous about. Problem solved."

"Thanks," I said and kissed his shoulder. "You're the best."

I got up from the bed and got dressed. Got ready for school and ate breakfast. Cereal, which was the usual in the morning. Stefan had offered to make me something numerous times, but I had always told him that cereal was good in the weekdays.

Stefan and I walked to school when it was time. I held his hand. It was a quiet morning. Peaceful and I felt genuinely happy.

I let Stefan go in the hallway. He had to meet up with the rest of the PR team and I had to meet up with the band and vocal coach. We had to talk about keys and beats, costumes and dances.

"I should wear either red, white or green," I said and the coach agreed. We then practiced for a while until we took a break. I saw Caroline in the hallway a lot, but she never said anything to me. Sometimes she would look at me and quickly avoid my gaze. Other times she wouldn't even do that. I sighed and left school.

No matter how badly I just wanted to go home, I couldn't seem to do it. I somehow ended up in the cemetery. I didn't really want to be there. I didn't want to become emotional, which always happened when I was here.

I went to my parents' gravestones anyways. I looked at them for quite a while. Then I sat on the ground, not caring that my pants were getting wet and dirty.

"Hey Mom. Hi Dad," I said smiling a little. I started cleaning up their spots, removing dried out leaves.

"I think Damon misses you, Mom. Maybe even more than I do. He just doesn't show it often. He rarely lets himself get attached to people, but he did to you. And then you died. This is my first Christmas without you, but it's his first Christmas without you too."

It was getting colder. Darker. I wanted to return home. So I said my goodbyes and left.

Damon was in the living room, drinking a glass of bourbon when I came home. I sat next to him.

"How was school?" he asked but he didn't look at me. I shrugged.

"I should be jumping around in joy because I got the part of the play that I wanted," I said. "But I'm miserable. The worst part is that I don't even know why."

Damon put his glass down and wrapped his arm around me, making me lean into him. He sighed.

"I thought you loved Christmas," he said.

"I used to," I looked at him. "but now... I don't know. It just seems pointless."

"Well, if it makes you miserable then why don't you drop the show and we can leave town?" He chuckled.

"It's tradition to do this around Christmas. All the seniors do it. I always wanted to do it. My mom would have wanted me to."

Damon sighed.

"Always perusing her wishes, huh?"

"It's my way of handling the grief. But there's no right way to do it. Everyone deals with it differently."