Daisies

-4-

To Han Seungwoo

You gave me a daisy the first day we met.

Do you remember that?

We accidentally bumped into each other on the way to class and you decided to give me it as an apology. My heart went all fluttery in a way that terrified me, so I ran away instead of thanking you.

That was before you met Yohan hyung.

You know, daisies used to be my favorite flowers. Still are, but I don't know for how much longer.

I didn't realize how meaningful memories were until now. All I've ever wanted was to forget.

Forget and move on.

It's not like it was that easy, though.

Every time I look at you guys, it feels like my heart is being teared open and thrown away. I'm not a robot like everyone else say. My heart is very fragile and I hate it. It's like everyone is keeping a distance from me, thinking I'm fine when all I want to do is cry and scream and fall apart to feel nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

If it's something I know, it's pain. I'm constantly reminded about what pain is when I visit my sister.

But I'm not here to make you pity me. It's not like you'll read this anyways.

Seungwoo hyung, it hurts to love you.

So please, take care of Yohan hyung for me. Take care of yourself, too.

I want you to be happier than I ever was.

It's soon time for college.
Take care of me once I enroll yours, alright?

Junho.

~~

Subin's sudden whine startled him, ringing in his ears even though the younger was draped all over Hanse's lap a few meters away from Seungwoo.

"Hyung? Are you even listening?" The raven pouted, scrunching his eyebrows together in a frown.

Seungwoo felt bad for dozing off like that, letting out a nervous chuckle before he quickly apologized. "Sorry, do you mind repeating that?"

Beside him, Junseo and Donghan glanced at each other. It was not the first time they had tried to get his attention. Certainly not the first time he dozed off either and it concerned them, sensing that something was obviously wrong.

Yohan was still not here.

Subin didn't answer his question, pulling away from his boyfriend to look at his hyung with a sad face. "Seungwoo hyung, please tell me the truth. You are not okay, are you?"

Pausing, Seungwoo gulped slowly but it was enough for Seokhwa to notice. "What's on your mind?"

The raven sighed and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know. If I'm alright, I mean. I'm worried about Yohan."

And Junho. Even though he was in no position to do so. He had already hurt the younger beyond healing.

Ah, he must sound so pathetic right now. How would Junho react to all this pity of his?

Love is a strong thing. A tool, a weapon.

He just wished Junho wouldn't have gotten on the wrong side of it.