Daisies

-5-

To Lee Hangyul

I'm lonely.

Like really, really lonely.

It feels like I'm underwater and you guys are there, just over my head.

So, so far away...

You are free because you aren't drowning.

You are free because there's no water over your head, because there isn't anything pulling you down to this endless, dark sea of hate and sorrow.

And yet, despite all my desperate attempts to cry out for you, you can't hear me...

You can't see me.

You're just standing there, taking a step further and further away. I can't catch up even now...

It's hard to breathe, hyung.

I-

I didn't mean to fall in love with you!

I just...you are absolutely splendid.

I can't deny that I love you so much my heart hurts, despite knowing that you have a boyfriend.

Hyung, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for falling in love with you and Seungyoun hyung.

I'm sorry for being selfish enough to say that I don't regret loving you, but on the same time I do.

I really do...

Hangyul hyung,

I think I've taken too much water over my heard...

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I can't...

I...

I'm so sorry for writing this, I'm sorry for apologizing so much. I promise that you'll never get this letter, hyung.

You deserve more than that.

Goodbye,
Junho.

~~

He should've known.

Hangyul might not be a genius or a smart person in general, but goddammit, he should've fucking known.

The worst thing is that he had left Junho hanging despite seeing how unwell the younger was.

Of course he had been worried, but he should've done more. Instead, he had just watched and let time tear Junho's heart into a million pieces.

As if it wasn't broken already.

He couldn't understand how Junho could live like that. One could not hear such heavy pain in so long time, right?

He should've known.

Should've figured Junho's feelings for them, even when the younger wasn't even trying to hide it anymore.

He had just turned a blind eye. And that crushing hate he felt for himself was like a hole being punched into his chest and he couldn't breathe anymore.

Just like Junho couldn't breathe. Or, to be correct, before the operation.

That cursed operation.

Still, it saves the brunette's life. Even if it had consequences, Junho would live.