Growing up Pureblooded

Sharing Food, Conversation, and Parents

Once the Hogwarts Express arrived at King's Cross Station, Draco sluggishly rose to his feet and followed Aries out of the compartment. The blond young wizard had been walking around in a haze for weeks now, unsure of virtually everything and everyone. He didn't sleep well anymore, and he looked a mess. But every time he shut his eyes he returned to that horrible night at Riddle House. The red glint in his father's glare was burnt into his memory, and night after night he saw the man he had once admired more than any other point his wand at Draco's chest and begin the Killing Curse.

Sirius had saved him, of course, and Sirius continued to save him every night in his dreams. This, oddly enough, more than anything else, was the cause of Draco's ongoing insomnia. Every time he saw Sirius kill his father, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief, followed immediately by a terrible wave of guilt. How could any good son feel love and gratitude towards his father's killer? Shouldn't Draco to be angry at Sirius, to demand vengeance?

On one level, Draco knew that Sirius had done the right thing, that Lucius had been going to kill him without hesitation. But, the importance of family allegiance and blood loyalty had formed an essential part of Draco's upbringing. Family came first, before any other consideration. One's family were one's life. These family bonds had always been particularly important to Draco's mother, and she had passed that sense onto him as well.

Of all family bonds, none was more sacred in the wizarding world than that between a father and his son. A father gave his son his name and position, and a son owed his father reverence and obedience. As much as Draco envied and admired the affection that existed between Aries and Sirius, he knew instinctively that their mutual love was only a fortunate happenstance, and had nothing to do with the essence of the father-son bond. A father and son might hate each other, but they still owed one another a certain respect – one could take Lucius and Abraxas as an example. They could hardly stand one another, but, at least up until the previous year, they had played the game the way they were supposed to.

In the end, despite everything that Lucius had done, Draco still felt that it was his duty to hate Sirius for killing him. But he couldn't.
Sirius had come to occupy far too special a place in his heart, and Draco knew that his Uncle cared for him as much as his own son. It was to save his life that Sirius had cast the Killing Curse in the first place, and Lucius had forfeited every right he had to familial obedience when he had used his son as a weapon for the Dark Lord.

Since Draco could not blame Sirius, he instead transferred that loathing to himself, and felt more and more crushed by guilt with each passing day. Of course, being only a thirteen-year-old boy, Draco did not understand any of this. Had he known more exactly what he was feeling, he might have been able to talk it out with someone. As it was, he knew only that he was incredibly confused. His mind and heart were torn apart, and the poor boy felt exhausted, defeated and utterly miserable.

Aries saw Sirius through the crowd and ran to meet him. Draco followed slowly behind. Sirius was standing there alone, wearing his Muggle educational-outing ensemble. Now Draco understood better why Sirius had told them to be sure to change into Muggle clothes on the train. He groaned. He didn't much feel like an outing.

Sirius pulled Aries into a hug and then turned to greet Draco the same way. The blond boy responded stiffly, but did at least hug Sirius back. He felt strangely comforted by his uncle's embrace, and hated himself for it.

Sirius led the boys to the car park, asking questions along the way about the last few weeks of school. Aries answered cheerfully enough, so Draco felt no guilt about remaining virtually silent, only replying with brief grunts when Sirius asked him a direct question.

They loaded their trunks into the boot of the car and Aries and Draco crawled inside. Aries eagerly grabbed the front seat, but frowned when Draco made no effort to fight for it. "Are you feeling all right, Draco?" he asked, concern shining in his eyes. "Just a bit tired," Draco replied. "I haven't been sleeping well."