Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

3 September, 1995 - Careful

Lavinia went home on that last night of August feeling rather like she was floating. Like she was warm and fuzzy and light inside. It was, she thought, like falling in love all over again. Except she hadn't. Because nothing particularly remarkable had happened that night and nothing much in her feelings had changed. And yet... and yet it had been remarkable in its own strange way. Not just the kiss, not just the reconnection and the feeling that for once this wasn't forced, but... But he had asked how she was.

And maybe that shouldn't have meant much of anything at all. Because truth be told, it wasn't much when it came down to it. A simple question. An easy question. And to some, probably a throwaway question. But Lavinia didn't think that many other people would have thought to ask how she was after that boggart, especially not with so many other things also happening that night. And even if they had, she didn't think they would have really wanted to know the answer. But Sirius had asked. Because Sirius had cared.

Even Lavinia hadn't thought much about the boggart if she was honest. Hadn't considered it deeply or thought she needed to process it. And yet, the moment he had asked, it had been relieving - so relieving - to talk about it. To admit to those things. And to know that Sirius understood, probably better than anyone else, exactly why her boggart had once been her mother. Not because she was hung up on the past and not because those old wounds hadn't healed, but because those wounds had become scars. And they ran deep.

As for her new boggart... it had been nice to say it out loud. To admit to those fears that had been stalking her ever since she'd realized that this was going to be a war again. This was going to be like last time. And even if it was different, even if they were better prepared... war was war. And people died. And Lavinia hated that truth, had pushed it away even as it snuck into nightmares and caught her at odd moments because she remembered how it felt. She remembered how unexpected it could be. How one moment they'd felt almost safe and then... gone. Just like that.

And just like last time, she had so much to lose. Just like everyone else, she supposed, but... well. It had been very nice to be able to admit those things out loud and not have anyone tell her she was being silly. Not have anyone give her empty promises about how everything would be fine. It had been nice to have someone who just... understood. Because though he hadn't said it explicitly, Lavinia knew Sirius did. Without her having to explain every little detail, he really, truly, understood.

Which was perhaps why Lavinia had left the house that night feeling quite so light. Because she had been reminded, there in the attic, why she had loved him as much as she had. Because he understood. Because he cared. Even when she was being overly emotional and falling to pieces, even when her fears made no sense, even when it would have been so so easy to brush it off or offer promises no one could keep. He understood. And more than that, he always did his best to help. To crack a joke or offer a shoulder to cry on or even just give her a listening ear. Even when what she had to say wouldn't be easy to hear. He was always there.

And it was different now, of course it was. Because they were different. And because that easy trust they'd once had, that assumption that had been second nature, that they would be there - would always be there - was gone. Because he had left. Because the world had fallen apart and they had fallen with it.

But Lavinia had felt that night that something new was growing. A trust that was older, more mature. More understanding. And it wasn't blind. It wasn't unconditional. Because, she supposed, nothing in the world was and they had both lived long enough to know that. So this trust... it felt, in a way, like it was stronger. Because it came after something else had broken. And they had fixed it. And that seemed to Lavinia to mean far more than any trust that had never been tested in the first place.