Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

31 August, 1995 - Forgiveness (II)

As Harry walked away from the drawing room, he found himself thinking about Lavinia Selwyn. Again. And again, he was doubting. If he was honest, he had been doubting from the moment Remus had said those words that had jogged something loose in his memory.

I think she believes that Peter did what he did to protect someone else. Someone whose death he just couldn't face.

And Harry had remembered something Lavinia had said, in amongst her many warnings about what war really meant.

Anyone could have been threatened, might turn you in just to save the neck of someone they loved just a little bit more.

Something about the words had stuck with him, though he honestly couldn't explain why. Perhaps, he thought, it was that he'd never considered that sort of decision, that sort of betrayal, as coming from anything but malice. But Lavinia clearly thought differently. And she thought... well she thought it was a choice they made out of love and out of fear. Because...

Someone they loved just a little bit more.

Because that was what she thought Pettigrew had done. That he had traded Harry's parents for someone he had loved just a little bit more. Which, of course, begged the question of who. Who had he saved. Who had he chosen over James and Lily. Who the hell had he traded them for. And from what Remus had said, Harry had a pretty good guess.

Lavinia.

He had wondered over the course of the last several weeks if she knew that. And if it even mattered in the first place. Because it didn't change what Pettigrew had done. And it didn't change that it was utterly ridiculous to forgive him for it, but... But Lupin had made several good points which, if Harry felt like admitting it, had made a lot more sense than what Harry had been going with up until that point. It was also a far less comfortable explanation, however, and Harry had been very much trying not to think about it ever since Remus had said it in the first place, half hoping that when he went off to school, the whole thing would just go away and he wouldn't have to consider it ever again.

But, if he did think about it... Hadn't she said she'd grown up with Death Eaters? Spent all of her school years with them? And Lupin had said she knew what it was like to be on both sides. Besides, if the Death Eaters had tried to recruit her as Lupin had said... that explained why she trusted Dumbledore despite her supposed dislike of him previously. Because she had gone to Dumbledore for protection. Not for herself, but for Sirius.

For someone she loved just a little bit more.

Because she had trusted Dumbledore to protect him. Just as she had trusted Dumbledore's decision about Harry. And even if he hated the idea, even if he didn't want to admit it at all, when it came down to a question of trusting Dumbledore, Harry could, especially at the moment, see why not everyone would be so inclined to trust him. Harry, for his part, wasn't particularly fond of the old man at the moment. But... but it didn't absolve Pettigrew. Didn't even come close. Harry might not like Dumbledore, but he knew he was powerful, and besides, what kind of person turned traitor just for one person? And the answer, Harry had decided, was an evil one.

So he didn't at all understand how Lavinia could possibly forgive something like that. It was insane. It was ridiculous. But... But Lupin had said that wasn't the point. That Harry didn't have to forgive Pettigrew - which he most certainly wasn't going to do. What Lupin was clearly hoping was that Harry could forgive Lavinia. Or could at least tolerate her forgiveness of Pettigrew. And he'd told Harry to talk to Sirius. Which he actually hadn't done because he didn't know how to bring it up. Every time it had occurred to him, he'd decided against it because he hadn't wanted to ruin what little time he had with Sirius before the end of the summer. And now... now it was the end of the summer. And maybe he could have put it off more, maybe he could have just kept not thinking about it and maybe it really would have gone away when school started, but... But she hadn't hesitated. Even Harry hadn't thought to jump forward and just... start fighting the boggart himself. And yet she had. Which made the simple explanation that she too was a coward rather more difficult to stick to.