Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

30 June, 1997 - Why

Remus didn't return home until the wee hours of the morning, looking as exhausted as Lavinia felt. But despite the weariness she could feel pressing on her bones, she wasn't in bed. She didn't expect to get much - or really any - sleep tonight. Because Dumbledore was dead. Dumbledore was dead at the hands of a friend and Lavinia still couldn't figure out how the hell it had happened. She still couldn't figure out why.

Because surely Dumbledore could have fought back. But to hear Harry tell it, he hadn't so much as tried. He had just... let it happen. And why? Was it so important to him that the Death Eaters trust Severus that he was willing to forfeit his own life for it? Had he simply decided the time was right? Or had he truly been caught so off guard he hadn't been able to fight back? Wandless magic was difficult, even for a man with such magical skill as Dumbledore, and if he'd been shocked enough that he couldn't gather his wits, it would have been nigh on impossible but... but it still didn't make sense.

And yet no one else had seemed to question it. No one else had wondered. Though Lavinia didn't have to look far for a reason for that. Severus was too easy a target. No one else in the Order had ever done more than tolerate him. No one but Dumbledore. And Lavinia. Because even if they hadn't been close, even if their relationship had never returned to anything more than cordial after the first war, Lavinia had never minded Severus's presence in the Order. And more than that, she had trusted him. Not because Dumbledore had trusted him, but because she herself had believed that he would do his job. That he would help them. She had pushed aside every suspicion after every odd moment, every question after every hesitation she hadn't known how to explain. She had ignored his moments of sharpness, his distaste for her godson, all of it. Because when it all came down to it, she had believed that he loved Lily Evans. And he would do what it took to make sure she had not died in vain.

But if the others were right... Well. If they were right, then he had either stopped loving her quite so much as he had or else never loved her in the first place. And Lavinia just couldn't quite bring herself to believe that was true. Because she knew just how long love could last. And because, even if she set aside the issue of Lily, after everything Dumbledore had done for Severus, it was difficult to believe that he would have killed the man in cold blood. Unless... Unless it had all been a trick. Unless he had realized the war was lost last time and had turned sides all those years ago not for love but for his own safety. Unless he had hidden behind Dumbledore's protection until he felt the tide turning once more. But that didn't make any sense either. Because in the first war, the Order had been losing. Would have lost completely were it not for the rebounding curse that had been little more than an accident. A tragedy that had somehow bred victory.

So cowardice didn't provide an adequate explanation. Fear didn't provide an adequate explanation. Nothing provided any explanation at all.

Which was why Lavinia was standing in the sitting room, studying the old Order photograph like the tiny little Dumbledore in that picture could give her answers.

She didn't look up at the sound of Remus opening the front door. Nor did she speak until after she'd heard him shed his shoes and walk softly across the room towards her.

"Did I miss anything important?" Lavinia asked after a long moment, fighting to keep the exhausted resignation from her tone.

"Not really," Remus answered, coming to stand next to her. "Fleur and Molly had a moment about Bill, and Tonks tried to say that that's remotely the same as she and I and..." He sighed and shook his head. "Well. Molly and Arthur joined in and I've been thoroughly admonished."

"They're right you know," Lavinia replied carefully, glancing at her friend with a soft smile that said she knew exactly how little he appreciated her opinion on the matter. And she knew he didn't want her to say that. Knew from past experience and the bitter edge to his tone. But she couldn't keep herself from saying it all the same. Because she knew exactly how true it was.