Thicker than Water (Marauders Era) PART II

27 August, 1995 - Here

Dinner was awkward. Very awkward. Or perhaps, Lavinia resonated, it was simply that she was awkward because everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves just fine. Actually, almost everyone else seemed somewhere near ecstatic. Except Sirius and Harry. Which felt... wrong. Because of everyone at this table, surely they had the most to celebrate. Harry had just been cleared of all charges and Sirius... Sirius should have been overjoyed by that alone. Not that he wasn't clearly happy about it, but Lavinia knew him well enough to notice the ever so slight strain in the smiles, the way they fell a fraction too fast, the quiet something in his eyes that felt like sadness.

She had no idea why that would be. Her best guess really was that he too was overthinking the last time they'd spoken. That one word that had slipped out and meant everything and nothing all at once.

Harry, on the other hand, she had absolutely no guesses at whatsoever. Other than the presumption that he was quite possibly still mad at her. But even that didn't entirely make sense. Because he and Remus had talked and though she rather doubted that had cleared everything up... Remus had shrugged and smiled when he'd reentered the room. And Harry hadn't been glaring at her as much as he had when she'd first arrived. Besides which, his slightly broodish expression didn't read as anger so much as thoughtfulness. Which was... good. She supposed.

Not that she had any chance to ask him. Or rather, not that she was going to ask him. Indeed, when she and Remus departed back home that night Lavinia didn't bother to ask Harry anything at all. He would come to her, she reasoned. When he was ready. And even if it hurt. Even if it killed her to just... walk away. She knew it was what was best. Because she didn't want to force him and... and if he decided he still hated her after Remus explained, if he decided he never wanted to talk to her again... that was... fair. Even if she hated it. And if he didn't hate her, then he might still need time to process. And time was the least she could give him. Besides, she thought a bit bitterly as she returned home that night, she was no stranger to walking out of his life and pretending it was for his own good.

So she didn't bring it up that day. Or the next time she was at Grimmauld Place. Or the next or the next or the next. Actually, Lavinia mostly took to avoiding the place as best as she could because seeing Harry hurt. She might only have come for meetings, actually, if it wasn't for Sirius. But Sirius was also in that house and Sirius, in Lavinia's opinion, needed company. Especially once she riddled out the reason he'd been so down at the dinner after Harry's hearing.

It seemed obvious in retrospect really, that Sirius would be rather down at the reality that everyone would soon be going off to school and the Weasleys would be going back to the burrow and the house would be... empty. Horribly, painfully, empty. With only him still stuck in it, left to rattle around in this makeshift prison. And that was what the hearing had made so real. Not that she thought Sirius had been hoping Harry wouldn't go back, but with the hearing past... time was running short and they all knew it. Sirius knew it.

In the moment that Sirius admitted this to her, Lavinia had wanted nothing more than to promise him that it would be fine. That he wouldn't be alone. But... but the house would be empty most of the time. And Lavinia could come more often - she was certain she would - but there would be moments when Sirius was the only one there. And those moments would be terrible for him. And she couldn't change that.

So instead offering empty words and promises that wouldn't mean anything at all, Lavinia had just sat down next to him on the floor of Buckbeak's attic room where they had been talking as they often did for the sake of privacy, and leaned her head on his shoulder. A few moments later, Sirius's arm had slipped around her waist and Lavinia felt something warm slide into her core, some feeling of rightness. Like this was her place in the world. Just as it had been so many years ago.