The Fall (Camren)

Catharsis

The back lounge was empty when they walked in which was practically a miracle, usually the crew boys would be hanging out in their boxers playing Xbox. She presumed this was due predominantly to the early hour, the boys weren’t early risers (there was innuendo in there somewhere).

The rain pounded on the window at the back of the bus, the sound was loud and for that she was grateful. Privacy in such close confines was uncommon, she had an image of Dinah with her ear pressed against the door trying to listen in.

It was approaching winter and the weather continued to worsen the closer they got to the east coast. Subsequently the heat had been turned up so high that the back of the bus had reached sauna levels. She discarded her blanket/cape on the couch and turned to Camila.

The younger girl was looking out of the window, her silhouette made a beautiful portrait outlined against the downpour outside. Lauren remembered her mother saying to her, ‘Lauren, some people feel the rain, others just get wet.’ But she felt it, she always felt it.

Nerves suddenly encroached, she breathed out a shuddery breath. Maybe she could put this off until after the tour, that was possible right? She mentally slapped herself, get it together Jauregui! Fuck it, here goes nothing!

‘I have feelings for you.’ Much like they had earlier, the words fell from her lips like rain from the sky, unconsciously and destined to make an impact.

She saw Camila flinch slightly, almost as if the words had literally rained down upon her, but she remained steadfastly looking into the distance. Lauren made her way over and looked out into the tumultuous weather, mirroring Camila. They were parallel lines again.

‘I’m guessing you already knew that but…I think about you all the time, everyday –like an alarming amount. What you said, what you wore, how you smiled. It’s constant. I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about you, and when I do, I dream about you. Always about you.’ She finished quietly.  The relief washed over her.

She watched as the rain fell over and over, the repetitiveness becoming almost cathartic in the tense atmosphere.

‘Say something. Please.’

She heard Camila suck in a large breath. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘Seriously? You’re the one who wanted to talk.’

‘I know,’ Camila said, sounding frustrated, she ran a hand through her hair turning fractionally towards Lauren, enough that she could see a shimmer of tears in her eyes, ‘ but now it’s actually happening I’m starting to freak out.’

‘Well as long as it’s not ‘missing sock’ levels of freak-out, then we’re okay.’ Lauren said, attempting to lighten the mood, Camila’s responding smile was a small confirmation.

‘How do you do that?’

‘Do What?’

‘Make me smile when I feel like crying.’

Lauren shrugged, the gesture pointless as they both remained looking out of the window. She understood Camila’s reaction, there would be no running into each other’s arms through a field in super slow-mo, and this was a problem.

‘What are we going to do Lauren?’

The foreboding in Camila’s voice was prominent, it made Lauren realise that Camila was just as terrified as she was, more so maybe.

There were so many obstacles in their way they were doomed to failure before they even began. She knew from Camila’s question that they shared the same worries, and they weren’t little mole hills, they were mountains. Big mountains.