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As darkness settled again, I was more than ready for the embrace of sleep. It had been a long day and, in truth, I was exhausted.
Ivar had been away for much of the evening, where exactly I wasn't sure. It could've been anywhere with him, doing pretty much anything. Though I suspected it had something to do with his men and the battle that we had just faced.
Meanwhile, I had men and women come to me - as they often did when Ivar was not present - to consult me on the future and what they should do. Though I had the tattered pack of old Tarot cards that never left my side within my satchel, I wished that I could give these people the answers that they truly searched for. In truth, there was little I could honestly tell most of them. For only some had lived lives notable enough to make appearances in my college textbooks.
But, once I had finally found my way to the warm furs, I was more than ready to slip away into a heavy slumber.
Of course, my timing was fortutous as it seemed that the end of my working coincided almost exactly with whatever Ivar had spent all of the latter half of the day doing. I watched, in silence, as he attempted to silently close the door behind him so as to not disturb me. It was sweet, but another part of me couldn't help but wonder what he'd been doing. And I'd never been overly talented with holding my tongue.
"Should I be saying good night or good morning?" My question made the door finally thud closed as he released it from his grasp, blue eyes finally turning to meet mine in a look of slight defeat.
"You're awake." He more stated than asked, stepping towards the bed with his crutch. Gently, I moved closer, and took a hold of his hand, finally pulling him onto the bed beside me.
"How observant of you, my love." I smirked, kissing him gently. "As are you, it would seem." Just as he reached out, lips brushing against mine as he yearned for another kiss, I sat back and folded my arms, eyes narrowed at him suspiciously. "Where have you been all day?" I questioned, more in jest than in any truly accusatory manner.
"With a priest." He responded, lying back on the bed, head resting in my lap. I couldn't help but smile at the action, an action of trust - which I knew wasn't easy for him. And I could've almost laughed, thinking of how things had been between the two of us only months before. I doubt he ever expected such a situation to arise. Nor did I, for that matter. And yet here we were.
"A priest?" I chuckled, not really expecting that answer. My hand, still holding his, slowly moved so that our fingers could lace together. And, ever so gently, he raised my knuckles to his lips to press a single kiss against them.
"A priest." He answered finally. "He is a great warrior. I think he will be useful."
"Useful?" I furrowed my brows, a thousand thoughts coming back to me - of my first arrival here and my experience with these priests, of my experiences with Saxons since. And finally of my old school books as I tried to understand who this priest was. Were they relevant? And would they hurt Ivar in any way? I had to know. I wished for the answer, yearned for it. I just wanted to protect him, as he always seemed to protect me. "A priest? Ivar you can't be serious. You can't trust them, any of them. What if he tries to kill you, hm? Will he be useful then? You are enemies, you know."
This time it was his turn to laugh at my words, his bright eyes silencing me with one simple look. "He will not kill me. You said that you saw me become King. How can he kill me when I'm not yet King, hm?"
He was right, of course. My fears were irrational. I knew exactly how and when Ivar would die, and it wasn't at the hand of some warrior priest. But I couldn't help it, the odd sense of fear that washed over me. It was so much like the feeling I'd felt the day that I first fell through the stone. This odd foreboding that I could not shake.
"Fate can change." I gulped back my fears, not daring to look him in the eye again. "I- you're all I have Ivar, I could not bare to lose you. Not at the hand of some Saxon."
I saw him out of the corner of my eye, an expression washing over him that I could not place if I tried. He looked almost as though no one had ever said such words to him, as though being the centre of someone's world was a foreign concept to him. And I recalled all my previous interactions with him, the fear in his eyes every time he allowed me to see behind the fortress that he'd built around his heart. Finally, I felt him turn my chin so that I was forced to look him in the eye. Those hypnotic eyes, the kind that I could find myself lost in for days.
"He will not kill me." He answered firmly, but I could tell there was so much more that he wanted to say - so many hidden words that could not pass his lips. I nodded, gulping back my fear and wiping away a stray tear that had fallen from my cheek.
"Good. Because if he did, you would not be safe hiding in Valhöl. I would find you and batter you." I returned with a small grin, kissing him oncemore.
The truth of the matter was, I believed that Ivar had the strength to withstand my death. I believed that he could survive it, as he had survived all the pain he'd endured before. But simply the thought of ever losing him made me shatter. The concept of not being beside him was heartbreaking. And that only made my predicament worse. I couldn't help but feel utterly guilty. Guilty because I was happy while my family were in bits, guilty because Ivar knew nothing of where I came from or who I was, guilty because I didn't want to go home. I loved my parents, truly I did. But I couldn't fathom leaving Ivar now. It was impossible, I simply couldn't.
Little did I know, that Ivar was thinking similar thoughts in that moment. He'd never felt this was about anyone before, and he doubted he could ever feel this way again. Without me, he'd be broken.
As Ivar contemplated the possibility that at some point, he may have to live in a world without me, I had one singular thought on my mind.
This was something I'd never expected when I came here. It was a situation that I never could've foretold. And with every passing day, it became harder and harder to lie. Because with every day, I fell further and further in love. And so, the time had come where I had to tell him the truth. Perhaps he would think I was insane, perhaps it would ruin everything. But I had to tell him. I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.
"Ivar," I caught his attention again, earth meeting the ocean as our gazes collided oncemore. "There is something that I have to tell you."
