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"What's going on?" I asked Astrid, the first person that I found - as always. It seemed Ivar and Harald were always rather preoccupied with their plans to conquer Kattegat and Astrid and I were often left alone. "Where's Hvitserk?"
She smiled slightly, knowing that there were few people here that I ever really spent any time with - and, of all of them, she and Hvitserk had become my closest friends. "You're awake." She greeted, putting an arm around me and sitting me down as if I was some sort of an invalid. I wasn't sure if it was my hormones, or whether it was the fact that everyone was treating me like an 80 year old woman, but I was sick of being with child. Even Ivar seemed too concerned with keeping me and the child safe that it was like everyone thought I might break - like I was made of glass or something. It was infuriating. More than anything, I wanted to wander around, to be independent and carefree as I always had been. But it seemed that that would be a thing of the past. And now, worst of all, it seemed that nobody even bothered to discuss what was going on with me. I suppose because I wasn't Ivar's advisor anymore, I wasn't a wise woman, I was his wife - his pregnant wife, at that - and I was starting to feel as if my opinions were no longer valued. I knew it wasn't true, it couldn't be. Ivar always still talked to me about things, asked for my advice and opinions, but I couldn't help but feel left out from everything. I couldn't help but feel useless.
"Yes, I'm awake." I answered flatly, still trying to gauge what exactly was going on. Astrid sat beside me, handing me a drink. I knew she was being nice, so why did I feel so annoyed?
"Hvitserk is with Lagertha." She informed me. I must've looked utterly horrified, as she quickly began backtracking and rectifying her words. "We exchanged hostages." She explained, trying to calm my thoughts of betrayal and disappointment. "We have them Hvitserk and they gave us Halfdan. Two high value hostages so neither can get hurt. And later we will meet to speak with them."
"We?" I asked with a skeptical expression. "I assume you don't mean me."
Astrid beamed, nudging my arm lightly. "If there's one thing I've learned, Iris, it's that no one can stop you from doing something." She sent me a look, the mischevious kind that always made me feel like a giddy child breaking the rules. It was a silent suggestion, urging me to do whatever I wanted to do. The men already respected Ivar, feared him even. But a part of me yearned for that same respect. Before all else, I was the daughter of a military historian and I had followed in my father's footsteps. I was a strategist. And though I wasn't a leader like Ivar was, I refused to simply sit behind and wait for the men to come home from war.
She was right. No one could stop me. But a part of me hoped that no one would try.
It was a while before I saw Ivar again. Hvitserk left, and I saw the look of frustration on his face - one that matched the look of suspicion which washed over his brother like some giant stormy wave. It was eating him alive, that much I knew, his mistrust and doubt in those around him - particularly in Hvitserk.
