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I was glad, at least, to still have Hvitserk in York. Even though I cared for Ivar, he could often be a pain and Hvitserk was certainly welcomed company. And, as Ivar was presently avoiding speaking to me, Hvitserk was even more of a comfort.
I wasn't sure what I'd done to annoy Ivar, but he seemed to regularly give me the cold shoulder and refused any and all communication with me save for the odd scoff before he limped away with his crutch. I couldn't help but feel oddly infuriated by this, uncertain what I should do to try to remedy the situation. I'd given everything to Ivar, I'd even stayed in this damn time just to remain with him. I'd promised my life to him. And this was the thanks I got? I couldn't understand it, though I wasn't sure I'd ever fully understand the inner workings of Ivar's mind.
Once again, I'd decided to sit shortly outside the walls of York, only comfortable doing so because Hvitserk was mere feet away. I knew that I wasn't technically supposed to leave the encampment, having promised Ivar that I'd remain by his side, but I didn't see the point when he did nothing but ignore me. So, I'd joined Hvitserk.
"I wouldn't take it personally." He responded, kicked a stone off the small hillside in slight frustration. "I don't think Ivar likes anybody."
I smiled, shaking my head with arms folded. "I don't believe that for one second." I responded calmly, leaning back against an old tree branch. "He's not as heartless as he'd have us all believe, you know." Hvitserk gave a small scoff, slumping down to sit beside me. As we sat in silence, the birds twirling overhead, I couldn't help but feel a sense of sorrow. I could still feel Ivar's gentle touch against my hand - however briefly - and could hear his smooth voice saying soft words to me. "I just wish I knew what I'd done. I wish I could actually talk to him for once instead of-"
"Hvitserk," As if by some form of divine timing, Ivar's voice cut through our previous conversation. Both our heads shot towards the youngest Ragnarsson and I felt my cheeks redden involuntarily. Instantly, I realised that Ivar's stormy gaze was focused exclusively on me, and I couldn't help but gulp nervously. "Go and help Whitehair."
I could tell that he was about to argue, but when Hvitserk looked between the two of us, he quickly decided it would best to just leave us. He sent me a supportive smile before finally leaving.
And once again, I was alone with Ivar.
We were both silent for what felt like hours and I could feel Ivar's cold blue glare boring into my soul. Only moments before, I'd wished for nothing more than to speak to him. And now? Now, I couldn't even find the words to form a full sentence. I was struck, unable to move or speak for fear that I might do the wrong thing and make this whole situation worse. But what was this situation? I still had no idea what it was all about. Finally, my every thought came pouring out. I couldn't hold myself back any longer.
"What have I done to offend you?" I blurted out finally, perhaps not phrased as eloquently as I'd hoped but it worked. "One moment you are fine with me, the next you won't even look in my direction. What have I done, hm? How have I possibly offended you now?"
Ivar folded his arms over his chest like a surly child, face formed into the permanent frown that he seemed to wear. Again, he scoffed. "Nothing," He answered bitterly, letting me know that it was far from nothing. "I just don't see the need to talk to my brother's mistress."
His what?
I knew that the desired reaction was anger, that Ivar's words were meant to antagonize me. But I couldn't understand it, or why such a thing had even crossed his mind.
"Ivar, what in Odin's name are you talking about?" I responded flatly. No anger fueled me, simply utter disbelief. I wasn't sure how he'd got the impression that I was any more than friends with either of his brother's. But perhaps he hadn't, perhaps this wasn't rational and logical Ivar that I was dealing with. Perhaps it was a part of him that was arguably far more endearing - perhaps his emotions.
"You waited for them to return from the Saxons, ran straight to Ubbe as soon as he was back. You left the hall, tended to his wounds. And every day you've run right back into his arms." He responded in a manner that I could only describe as the utter jealousy of a child. At first, I'd contemplated punching him, but I quickly began to comprehend the implications of all that he was saying - the hidden words that were left unspoken. And, though I attempted to stop myself, I couldn't help the wide grin that covered me.
"Ivar," I beamed, holding back a chuckle. "Are you jealous?"
Again he paused, frowning back at me. "I'm not jealous." He sneered, as if the possibility of the great Ivar The Boneless being jealous of his brother was utterly preposterous. "Why would I be jealous, hm?"
"I don't know." I answered, gently smiling at his reaction. "Because there is nothing between Ubbe and I." When he scoffed again, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his stubbornness. Sometimes, he was an utter pain in the arse. He could be a pigheaded fool, arrogant, childish, and utterly ridiculous. But if there was any son of Ragnar that I would ever see romantically, it could only ever be Ivar. "If I am so in love with your brother, Ivar, please explain to me why I did not leave with him."
"I don't-"
Before he could finish, I'd interjected again, frustrated with his foolishness. "Because perhaps, if you could for once just talk to me, you would realise that the only person that I care for is you. Perhaps you would notice that I have spent every moment since you first arrived in York, following you and helping you."
Ivar paused momentarily, his glare now replaced with a wide eyed stare. I could see the realisation in his eyes, the utter disbelief that always seemed to follow our conversations. "You care about me?" He tried to play it off with a cocky smirk, but nothing could hide the tenderness in his eyes. No matter how hard he tried.
Again, I rolled my eyes, standing up in frustration. "What does it matter?" I responded, storming off to leave him in solitude oncemore. "You clearly feel nothing for me."
As I stormed past him, an unfamiliar feeling of anger and pain coursing through my soul, Ivar grabbed a hold of my arm to make me pause. My head snapped back towards him, angry brown eyes staring down at his awestruck face. Momentarily, he hesitated - not sure whether he was ready to let his emotions out from behind his tightly concealed facade. But, as I attempted to tear myself away from his grip, he finally spoke - words that I'd never in my life expected to hear, least of all from him.
"I love you." His voice was barely above a whisper, but it seemed to silence the entire world. Even the howling wind stood still as I froze in place, not sure how to act or what to do. Ivar The Boneless, a man that I'd learned about and admired my whole life, a man that I'd slowly found myself falling in love with, a man that had utterly captivated my soul, had just admitted that he felt the same - that he loved me.
"W-what?" I let out, unable to form any other words, unable to even move from the spot that I was in.
Ivar gulped, looking towards the ground and then back up to me. "I love you." He answered more firmly this time, watching my expression of shock for any sign of hope. I could tell that he was about to turn and leave, about to give up on love and happiness entirely in fear that I couldn't possibly feel the same. All his life he'd been ridiculed, told that he was unlovable. Why would I be any different?
But I wasn't the women of Kattegat. I wasn't a shieldmaiden or a gentle lady. I wasn't interested in his title, nor did I care that he was a cripple. All I cared about was him. And it seemed that I loved him, body and soul.
"I love you too." I spoke so gently that I could barely believe it was myself. Ivar's head shot back to look at me in utter shock. "I've loved you for a while now, Ivar. And I- I want you to know that I think I will always love you."
As the words slipped past me lips, Ivar pulled me closer. Finally, our lips connected in an electrifying kiss - one that sent lightning through my bones. It felt right, all of it felt right. Like finally, I was home.
