A New Perspective

Chapter 12

Vivian's Perspective

In the car, I want to fall asleep against Gwen's side, but I hold myself back from doing so. I feel like she's mad at me. Who wouldn't be mad at me if I had put them in this kind of a situation. She had been so nice to me for so long and gave me a place to stay even though I'll never be a part of her family, but what I do to pay her back is run away and leave her terrified. I can't believe I even thought of running away. Look what it has done to her. She looks exhausted and drained of all life. I feel so bad.

When we get back, there's two other adults there with the boys. A man and a woman. I try to imagine why they seem somewhat familiar, but I know I haven't been introduced to anyone Gwen knows but Blake and his kids. I stand stiff in the lobby after Gwen closes the door behind her. Immediately, they strike up a conversation and of course it's about me. I can imagine what's going to happen now. What if they're here to take me away? I wouldn't be super surprised - maybe a little, but I've had it happen before. I've screwed up, big time.

"Thank you for helping out. I appreciate that you guys are able to take her." Gwen says to the man and woman. My breath hitches in my throat and my muscles grow more tense. So I was right, they are taking me away.

"It's no problem, you don't need a trouble maker like her ruining your life." The blonde woman tells her.

I start to panic as they turn towards me, all smiling. The unknown blonde woman comes towards me with a wide smile. I back up a few steps before my back hits the cold wood of the door. I don't know what to do so I do the only thing I can - scream.

Not only does my sharp, heart-wrenching scream bring them back into reality, but it brings me back too. The woman's not that close and actually, everything about her seems comfortable and fun, like Gwen. I don't think any of them had said all of what I heard. Maybe I'm imagining things now, but I know I'm not imagining it as Gwen breaks down in tears.

I feel my heart shatter in pieces; I had never seen her cry before. Still, nobody moves except for Gwen who looks around frantically, probably trying to figure what to do next. Then, she locks eyes with me. They are so sad and apologetic and then, that's when it clicks. If I'm not mistaken, I think she's just remembered how timid I am around new people and trusting them and accepting their welcoming affection. I think she forgot because I've been so good with her and maybe I've been okay with Blake and the boys. Now, she's remembered what I was like a week ago. Even a hug would set off a panic attack inside of me.

"Kelly, back up for a moment. I think she feels trapped." She says gently to the woman. She hit it right on the nail.

Kelly goes back to stand near the boys in the family room. Gwen takes a step forward, but doesn't come any closer. Then, she sits down, tears still glistening in the light on her cheeks and sparkling in her misty brown eyes.

She goes on to say, in a small voice, "I'm sorry, honey. I know, I know but I- I didn't think. I'm sorry, that's all my fault."

I swallow hard, nodding as if to say that I understand and I forgive her. "Give me a moment?" I ask quietly.

"Take the time you need, babe." Gwen agrees, a small smile tugging at her face. I'm glad she seems to have stop crying, but after I compose myself, I head over to her slowly, kneeling down and wiping her tears. She chuckles, as if embarrassed that I had to watch her cry over her realization.

"It's okay. There's not many kids like me out there so how could you know? How could you remember every moment of every day how fragile I am?" I assure her, smiling when she smiles back at me. She reciprocates my actions although I'm not crying and caresses my cheeks.