A New Perspective

Chapter 18

Gwen's Perspective

I glance at Vivian, wondering how to talk to her without trying to pry or scare her off. I can tell that she's not fond of having to open up to people so I need to do this slowly and not force her. The cookies are finished and now we're taste testing them which gives me the perfect opportunity to ask her a couple questions.

"Honey, you know you can tell me anything, right?" I ask her as she takes a bite of her chocolate chip cookie.

She nods.

"Is there anything that you would like to get out in the open? Something that you need to get off your chest to make you feel better? I'm here to listen and I'll never judge or think of you any differently." I tell her, leaning against the couch as she sits by my side, stiff and quiet. I hope she can open up a little bit because I only want to help her. It's not good for her to keep everything to herself.

I watch as she lets out a sigh and leans over to put the rest of her cookie on a coaster on the coffee table. She doesn't look at me, but she keeps her gaze focused in front of her, looking as if she's debating on whether or not she wants to say anything. Moments later, though, she does.

"I can't stop thinking about the time around a year ago when I actually tried opening up to my mother. It was my last resort, my last try to get her to become more... I don't know," she shakes her head, continuing seconds later, "so I opened up to her and told her what I was feeling, but she couldn't care less about me and slapped me."

I stop breathing for a second, trying not to cry at the image forming in my head. I'm about to say something to console her, but she beats me to it.

"That's when I actually stopped opening up to people. So, yeah, I'm not doing this." She says, getting up and quickly heading to the stairs. She's already to her room by the time I register what's actually happened. As much as I feel I should leave this alone, I know I should talk to her.

I don't know everything about her so I don't know how she's reacting right now. What if this sent her into a panic? I can't let her sit through a panic attack by herself. I should at least see if she'll accept my presence and if not, then I'll leave her be for as long as she needs.

I go upstairs and approach her door which has been shut. My mind instantly goes to the worst. She has a bathroom attached onto her room that you can only get to through her room. Poor design that there isn't another door going out into the hallway. I gnaw on my lip as I decide what to do.

"Vivian," I start, knocking lightly on her door. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I hear her say.

"I'm sorry," I tell her through the wood. "I was trying to create a safe space for you to share things with me, but I guess I still have to work on it."

I don't hear her say anything, but there's sounds of rustling coming from the other side of the door. I try to listen closely, but I can't grasp a clear picture.

"Will you let me try again?" I ask her, but nothing comes of this.

I'm growing concerned as all sound has seized and I've been standing here for nearly five minutes. Most of those minutes have consisted of me staring at the door, trying not to panic. I've never had a kid before and especially not a thirteen year old. I don't know what I'm doing.

"Okay." I decide that this will be my last try and then I will have to leave her alone. It would only be disrespectful if I kept trying after she clearly doesn't want me around. "You don't have to open up emotionally, but I'd love it if you could open the door so I could sit with you and tell you some stories."