A New Perspective

Chapter 1

The salad that I got from that lovely lady, Gwen, just a few days ago, was the best food I've had in a long time. It was a kind of zesty Italian salad that I really enjoyed. There was still a big portion of it left. It made me wonder, how much was there when she first ordered it if she swore she was done with it? It didn't seem like she ate much. Maybe she just wasn't feeling as hungry that day. I have days like that. Not so much now since I don't eat near enough, but before my situation grew into this. 

I now have the box with me still, keeping some of my belongings in it. I had taken it to school and washed it out there. Now I store some of my favorite things in there. 

Although I have it out right now, I usually keep it in my bag for safe keeping. I don't trust this city as much and even though I thought I could leave my stuff there for fifteen minutes while looking for food that day, it was in the middle of getting stolen by the time I got back. It was myself against one other person so I was able to put up and fight and win my stuff back. That guy was strong though. He appeared to be in high school. He was strong enough to punch me in the face, doing something - I don't know what - to my nose. 

To the current day, my nose is still in a lot of pain. Thankfully it's not too visible to the kids at school. The teachers haven't said anything about it. It was only bleeding which I was able to find a public washroom and clean it up well. It kills to touch it though, to smile, to talk... I'm not sure what he did to it. 

At least it was a good day at school today. No one felt like picking on me so I got away with not having to go through the emotional and physical pain of that. For once, I could walk back to my alleyway relaxed and not in pain, except for the pain in my nose. That's unsolvable. 

But I can't stop wondering why I wasn't picked on today. It's not like I'm less worthless and useless today. I'm still the same as every day. Maybe they wanted to spare me for some silly reason. You know, it almost makes me feel worse when they don't go after me like normal. I deserve their punishment, so why am I not getting it? Why do I get this day of relaxation and calmness? I don't deserve this. 

I groan at my thoughts as I spread out my blanket for tonight's rest. I lay down, placing my head on my bag for a pillow like figure, but then I decide against it. Do I really deserve a pillow tonight? Probably not. I move it out of the way, curling up on the blanket I have left. 

It's cold tonight, strangely, because it's spring now. LA is usually very warm, even in the winter it isn't bad. But tonight, I wish I had another blanket to wrap around my body. It's brisk here on the ground as well on this cold, bumpy concrete. 

I close my eyes eventually, but no matter how I adjust myself, I can't fall asleep. I start to think about the last few days. I wonder how Gwen and Blake are doing. I wonder if meeting me had as big of an impact on Gwen as it did on me. No, I shouldn't be ridiculous. Meeting me wouldn't have an impact on anyone. I'm just one little spec in this world, no one is going to give a genuine care for me, as my mother would always tell me as a child.

But although my mind is fighting against it right now, I can't help but to want to be held. More importantly, I want to be held in Gwen's arms. The level of comfort I found through just her voice and the amount of care and love in her eyes was astonishing. I have never met anyone like her before and to just let her go like that, I feel crazy. I miss her a lot, a lot more than I should.

She seemed as though she has a loving family, a loving home, a loving partner, maybe even loving kids... she has it all, doesn't she? Though I shouldn't be so quick to judge. I don't know her, I don't know any of the personal struggles she faces on a daily basis, and as much as I want to say mine are worse, I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I envy what I can't have, what I don't deserve to have.