A New Perspective

Chapter 17

Vivian's Perspective

Too many thoughts run around in mind, making me disregard the fact that today is a school day. I don't check my phone when I get up and I don't go to find Gwen yet. Instead, I head into the bathroom beside my room and stare back at myself in the mirror. I look tired although judging from the time displayed by the clock to my right, I've gotten a fair amount of sleep. I don't look very bright or very much like myself. My hair is fine except it's gone frizzy and knotted.

I let out a heavy sigh and sit on the bathroom floor against the wall. I pull my knees up to my chest, not sure what emotion I want to feel. It's strange having lived in a neglectful environment for so many years that I thought was normal to all of a sudden losing someone that's supposed to be special to me when I start feeling loved and showing love to others. I can't figure out if the universe is trying to punish me or reward me. The person who hurt me numerous times is gone now. My biological mother is gone.

Then, another realization hits. I'm a damn orphan now. I'm all on my own with no mother, no father, or sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents. I don't have a family. I don't have what people call the best thing to have in life. It's just me now.

After a few more minutes of sitting and thinking, I decide to go downstairs. I don't believe I'm thinking about anything as I make my way to the kitchen. I feel... numb.

Gwen appears to have just gotten back from somewhere and suddenly, my heart warms up just a little at the sight of her.

I don't say anything to announce my presence, but when she turns around, her eyes catch me standing there.

She's not smiling as much as normal. I think she's trying to match my demeanor out of respect.

"Hey, Vi. I got Starbucks for us," she says, handing me a warm cup. "I remembered you mentioned one of your favorite drinks."

"Thank you." I say, my voice coming out hoarse. It takes me a minute, as everything seems to be going in slow motion today, but I take a sip, feeling another bit of warmth creep up into my chest.

When Gwen has seemed to slow down, too, from whatever she was doing, she takes a good look at me. I'm not fond of the lingering glance, but I can't say anything because she beats me to it.

"How are you feeling, honey?"

I shrug, not sure what to respond with. I see the corners of her lips subtly drop for not even a second.

"I've already called the school and told them that you wouldn't be going today
I also told them a little bit about your situation." She says.

I nod. I know I'm causing this awkward silence between us because I'm not saying anything and she expects that I will. I don't want to speak as it is and anyways, what she's saying doesn't call for more than a nod or a shake of the head.

Gwen takes a few steps closer to me and from the way I'm feeling, I'm surprisingly okay with her being this close. I know I'm in that mood right now where I don't want anyone near me, but Gwen is the exception.

"Do you want to hang out with me or do you want me to leave you be? I've got to make a bunch of cookies for a friend's fundraiser, you're always welcome to help."

I'm curious about this fundraiser now and maybe I could do with a distraction for now.

"I'll help." I say.

She smiles, "Fantastic!"

I can feel a smile tug at the corner of my lips. "Can I get dressed first?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

I know I'll feel more awake and alert if I change into new clothes. Even sweats will help. But as I walk up to my bedroom, all I can think about is a memory from when I was three.