Say It (Hotch x Reader)// ✔

Where is my mind?

Summary:

Your past in Dallas comes back to bite you in the ass, in the worst way you could have imagined.
(Angst!)

Notes:

TW: mention of physical and emotional abuse; mention of child abuse

You don't remember the series of event that lead to the change. First, came Emily's death, the memory of it still stealing air from your lungs at times. It had never occurred to you that the people in your team would soon become a family and they were at risk at all times – again. Second, came JJ's addition to the team, and you'd felt the team – after your official signing too – return to a well-oiled ship once again. Then, as if you all hadn't gone through enough, Hotch left suddenly on a mission, reappearing only to signal that Emily's death had been fake and a necessary evil in order to catch up to Doyle. It took some time before everyone eased back into the new information, truthfully. But it didn't help you, specifically that Hotch regarded you still in the same way, even after all that time away. Your mind replayed time to time that night in your hotel room with him on one of the few cases after he'd returned, and you wondered if it even meant anything. You don't know what you want it to mean either, considering you'd wanted him to cross boundaries so explicitly. But none of you mentions it, and it works.

It happens on what looks to be a usual case – however usual all of them can be – a home robbery ended in murder, that the BAU was called to consult on, part-time.

Derek and Emily, in the room with you, go through the papers scattered on the floor of the living room. With your gloves on, you can't stop seizing up the lifeless body on the bed, covered with a thin sheet by the forensic team to preserve it. The apartment is an open plan loft, high walls and high floor-to-ceiling windows, ancient leather furniture artfully placed around, and large paintings of the sea taking up every wall of the space. There's an uncomfortable itch and a voice in your head, as you look around the room, that this all is somehow familiar.

"-avid book reader, and into psychology" Prentiss recites aloud. "What a combo"

"So, a highly intelligent individual, just like the other one" Morgan says. "the targets are fixed for this unsub"

You move to eye the wall at his side, a large painting of a cliff struck by waves, and you snap a photo, and dial Garcia's number. She picks up right away.

"Birdie?" she asks as a greeting. You'd caught her off guard as Morgan usually does the talking.

"Hey, do you have a hit on the ID of this guy yet?"

At your voice, both Prentiss and Morgan turn to you, surprised at your impatience.

"Uh", there's typing on the other end, "not yet, I'm going to check for dental records"

"I'll send you a photo of a painting. Maybe check sales records, please?"

"Of course, great idea."

You hang up and turn, finding Morgan and Prentiss standing before you. She speaks out first.

"What's wrong?"

And you should really consider it, should really be convinced first but that same voice that had emerged first in your head, is now insistent.

"I think I've been here before"

They look shocked and turn to glance at one another.

"You know him?" Morgan asks.

"No" you answer, "I've never met him. But I know this apartment."