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When I dream of you, it's like you're here with me again.
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I wanted to get out of this place. I've had dreams about Cato almost every night - and I wake to an empty room. It's not ideal to be alone, I wish there was just someone in here. My father's constantly busy being the only doctor here, so he's never here. And he's the only family I have left.
I walked down a narrow hallway towards the cafeteria. It was early, but we had a halfway mark training session today. Rodgers is actually going to rank us, I just hope I don't come in last or anywhere near it.
I grabbed a tray and filled it with food from this place. It wasn't half bad somedays, but other days I was just eating plain mush. Someone was standing to close, as my tray almost went all over them. I looked up to see who could possibly be standing this close to me.
Finnick.
I stared at him, as this was the first time I've seen him since we've been in the arena. He stared into my eyes with his familiar sea green ones.
"What are you doing down here," I spoke first. He looked like he was trying to figure out something to say. I'm sure he knew I was still upset with him from the games.
"I came to find you," he says. I crossed my arms over my chest. "I spoke with Katniss, she's going to be the Mockingjay." I didn't respond, I just continued to stare at him. He took a deep breath in. "I wanted to go back for him."
"You're a liar," I tell him through a whisper. "Don't lie to me Finnick."
"Katalina, I know how special he was to you," he says. I opened my mouth to talk but he held his hand up. "I wanted to go back."
"You could've done so much more to save him," I tell him.
"I-I couldn't move, I couldn't speak.. Everything was happening so fast," he replies back. "They have Annie too, if that makes you feel better."
"It doesn't."
"Well," he says. "We're going through the same thing."
"But my thing could've been prevented if we all just would've thought of a better plan. Now we're all missing someone important to us," I say. I think I was shouting at this point because people were staring. "Finnick their being tortured in there, you realize that right?" He nods.
"This isn't my fault," he tells me. "We all could've gone back, I told him to run after you."
"And we somehow someway got separated and I'm never going to get that same version of him back," I say angrily. I felt a hand on my arm. It was Roland and Charlie at my side. I sighed as my new found anger was starting to come out from the medication. "I'm sorry Finnick, I know you're going through this too."
"We'll get through this, they're figuring out the final details of the plan," he says.
"We don't even know if they're alive."
"I hope she's dead," he says to me. I watch as his eyes drop to the ground. "I wish they were all dead, and we were too. It would've worked out better that way if they just killed us all."
"I think it's time to go, Kat," Roland says. "We've got training soon."
"You'll be a great guard Kat," Finnick says to me. "Maybe you'll be able to rescue my Annie." I nod in response as Finnick was not the same person. He's changed, completely. I felt Roland tug at my elbow and I pulled it out of his grasp as he walked me over to the table. I saw Terra and her group of friends laughing at me.
"Perfect," I muttered. I should really go back to therapy to learn to control my anger. I'm making a fool out of myself now.
"Don't listen to them, Kat," Charlie says and gives me a reassuring smile. "They're just stupid jealous girls."
"I don't mean to be so angry," I say and rub my eyes. "I just didn't expect to see Finnick." I stared at my food in front of me, and something happened that has never happened before. A flashback of Cato and I from the first games appeared in my head, nothing bad, just from when we first found each other.
"You okay?" Roland asks after a minute or so. I look up at him and meet his eyes.
"I'm just stressed out," I tell him.
"About what?"
"I need to find Cato," I tell him. "It's eating me up just sitting here and doing nothing. I'm going to find Katniss."
"No, you need to eat. We have really important training today." I sigh as Roland put a fork in my hand. "Eat, now. What are you going to do? Go yell at President Coin to get your way? I don't think so."
"Roland you don't understand how important this is to me," I tell him.
"You don't even know if he's alive, Kat," he snaps back at me. I stare at him, and I saw Charlie glare at him. He's right though.
"You don't have to be so harsh man," he says to Roland.
"This has nothing to do with you Charlie," Roland says. "This is between me and my best-"
"Stop being rude to him, he's just sticking up for me," I tell him. Charlie smiles at me. "But you're right, he could be dead. But I wish he was because it would be better that way. Like Finnick said I wish we all were."
"You don't mean that Kat," Roland says. I saw Charlie frown, this is probably the deepest conversation his pure heart has ever heard.
"Yeah, I do."
"No, you don't. You're angry because Cato's not here, things are just coming out of your mouth now."
"I'm not getting in an argument with you over my own feelings," I tell him. "I'll feel how I want to. You can't tell me why I'm angry Roland." He sighs. "Cato might be dead, you're right there. But I won't know unless I try to save him myself."
"I'm sorry Kat, but you gotta get over this guy. He's not good for you," he tells me.
"Yeah? And who is, you?" He closes his mouth at this point. "Him?" I point at Charlie. I take a bite out of my eggs while keeping eye contact with Roland, showing him I ate. "I'm done here, Charlie, I'll see you at training." I put my fork down while walking away angrily.
