Rescue Me

Forty Eight

A/N: this is a bit of a dark chapter. just want to fair warn anyone. thank you :)
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Death is easy.

Death is simple.

But living is hard.

Nothing compares to the hardships every person on this planet goes through. Battling constant anxiety, the PTSD, the very real nightmares, losing both of my best friends, losing the boy I loved — it's all apart of my life.

I knew my life was always going to be in my hands. But I didn't know that the thing that gives me a decision between life and death would sit in my hand.

The nightlock pill.

The only thing that was intimidating about this thing is the size of it. If it came down to it, and I needed to swallow it, I don't know if I would be able to. This motherfucker is huge.

But in reality, this is the very thing that could end my life right now if I choose so.

I've always thought that being lonely was something that came from one person. Whenever Cato used to leave me for Terra, I would get lonely after. But now I'm just lonely in general. I haven't talked to someone in what feels like days. I was practically going crazy in this stupid cell. I really feel like I was rotting away in here.

I also have no idea what's going on outside of it. Like I said no one has talked to me, let alone keep me in the loop.

Did we win the war? Is everyone dead? Is Cato dead? Is Snow somehow planning to end my life?

Maybe I should just end it all anyway. It would be a lot easier that way.

These harsh and controlling thoughts have been circling my mind for however long I've been in here. But there's another voice too. The one that tells me not to take the nightlock pill if I stare at it for too long.

The repeated thought of, was the war over, is something that circles my head. I couldn't hear anything. I was trapped in this basement of rows and rows of empty cells. I was the only one down here.

Maybe we lost because they captured me.

I run a hand through my dark hair. What was I supposed to do? Rot down here the rest of my life? Only get food and water from a guard that comes to bring it twice a day?

I don't get it. If they wanted me dead they'd stop bringing me food. But that could also be apart of Snow's plan, to keep me fed and alive until he put me on a pedestal and killed me.

All for another good show.

If that's the case I'm ending it all right now. I let the pill roll around in my hand, the color even resembling a dark shade of night. Would it be a painful death? Or would I just slip into a sleep where I would feel nothing?

Don't find out, the good voice says.

The voice was familiar. But it wasn't my own. It was imaginary without a doubt, there's no one else here.

Fuck. I really am going crazy.

I hear the door open down the hall. Heavy footsteps echo down the long and dark hallway. I tuck the pill back into my chest pocket, then let my hands rest by my sides again. My eyes flicked up, noticing the shadow of the person that was approaching my cell.

It was a Peacekeeper. The same as always. They had a tray in their hand, full of food that didn't look appealing what so ever. I don't say anything as they reach down for the key ring. They unlock the door somehow with one hand, sliding it to the opposite side. It slammed against the wall, and I fight the urge to jump at the sound.