Save Me From Myself

Chapter 1

Rose's POV

Its funny, growing older, the things that felt like life and death scenarios as a kid/ teen seem so trivial now, but at the same time the same but different? I guess I feel stuck, I'm older and free, but still chained to my mind. I'm stuck in the point of my life where I have no idea what I am doing, I hadn't planned to live this long.

And I think it's okay- the me still being alive thing, because I've had some happiness in my life and memories that mean the world to me. I've even made a group of friends that I finally feel like are my people, I finally feel like I fit somewhere--but at the same time I feel like I don't deserve this life I'm living.

I've been trying to put my feelings into coherent thoughts lately and all I've been able to come up with is that I feel like my life is happening in a snow globe (it happens to be winter and this is why this metaphor came to me), in this snow globe is my University life, friends, everything that happens to me and around me, except me, I am on the outside looking in. I always feel like I'm watching my life happen and I can feel the joy and everything but I also feel so removed from it all - like an out of body experience...

"Hey Rose!" I was abruptly brought out of my thoughts. "Want to go to the pub before class with us?" I looked up to see my friend Meredith smiling at me and walking toward me. Mer was the best friend I've made in my Uni life, she seemed to somehow just know that I'm not always ok, but she never pushed it or questioned me, she just was always there for me.

"Oh hey Mer, yes ok, let pub it up!" I happily agreed, because the one thing that makes my day better is drinks, and drinks with friends I've learned is always better than drinks alone.

She held out her hand to help me up off the ground and once I was situated we jogged over to the rest of our friend group.

"Yes! Rose I'm so glad you're joining, today I will beat you in a speed round!" Will laughed and shoved me in a playful manor.

"You wish you could beat me Will but I am the Blue Hawaiian Queen and no one can take that title from me!" I laughed.

Once we were settled in a booth at the pub having our first round I felt out of body again looking at my friends. There was Mer, laughing as always, telling some silly story about her and her roommates being outrageous 20 year old's. She was so beautiful, her smile was perfect with little dimples that got bigger the happier she was, she had shoulder length curly hair that was dark brown always perfectly bouncy, and beautiful tan skin that gave her an effortlessly flawless look.

I looked at Will next, studying his features, he was a good looking guy, not my type, but many other girls'. He looked like your classic frat boy: fit, tall, handsome, and goofy. James and Ella were also with us, they both were gorgeous. I think all my friends are gorgeous I laughed to myself finishing my current drink.

"Okay first drinks are in and now its time for the Blue Hawaiian face off who's in?" Will asked the group. We normally drank regular drinks like gin and juice, or vodka crans, rum and cokes but I am personally obsessed with blue Hawaiians and got some of my friends hooked on the tropical drinks too.

"I am" Mer laughed.

"Me too" James smirked, "and I'll be giving you a run for the title"

"You are soooo on" I laughed

"What about you Ella?" Will asked her

"Not this time guys I can't miss out on too much in English again, but, I'll judge!"

We all gave Will some money and he went and got us each 4 blue Hawaiians. "By the way one of them for each of us is a double but I'm not telling you what ones!" Will laughed a bit evilly as he set them all down for us. We lined up our 4 glasses each in front of us and readied the straws and looked to Ella to give us a count down.

"I can't believe you guys are going to have this many drinks, this game is getting ridiculous, but okay, in 5...4...3...2...1...Drink!" Ella called out and we all started slurping down the drinks.

I heard Mer say something about a brain freeze but I was concentrating, I finished my second drink and started on the third, it was the double. "Ugh" I groaned in distaste but powered though. I finished my fourth one feeling ready to vomit from all the liquid at once and looked up to see Ella smiling.

"Once again ladies and gents our friend Rose has a mouth that sucks like no other" She said and I spit out an ice cube laughing.

We sat for awhile longer before it was time to head to English. I was definitely feeling drunk the moment I stood up but missing English was not something I was going to do, our teacher Mr. Hampton. He was my type. My spine shivered just thinking about the dream of a man he was, mmm what I wouldn't do to feel his strong arms hold my drunken body.

This is why I like drinking, it almost pulls me into my snow globe. I think it's because all my bad thoughts disappear as drinks go in, I can't even tell you about all my bad thoughts now because I'm happily buzzed and ready to go have day dreams about Mr. Hampton. Nope, no bad thoughts were going to be allowed to ruin my drinking win high and my desires to think about my hot hot teacher.

I put a $5 down on the bar "just a quick shot of vodka please?" the bar tender obliged I quickly gulped it down to calm my nerves? Or jitters? Or to burn down the itching depressive ideas floating around in my head. I just needed to calm my thoughts about having to sit in his class for the next hour and a half, thank god for the Uni's pub.